Lauren McEachranRelationship Coach, Attract Love, Relationships, Law Of Attraction, Healthy Relationships

Listening to someone completely is one of the most important things you can do for them.  When we talk about listening, we really mean listening with your whole body, mind and heart.   Be completely present with the person and even communicate back to them what they have said in order to show that you understand.

Listening is particularly difficult if you are already upset with the other person, so remaining calm through all conversations is vital.  Also make sure you understand what they said fully, before it’s your turn to speak.

When having a conversation with your partner, listening to them fully involves putting yourself in their position of whatever it is that they are talking about.  Listening also requires strength, patience and self control.

Listening is not a simple skill to master, and it also shows how much we care about the other person.  If you’re in a relationship and you’re partner has had a crappy day, then they usually just enjoy someone listening to them while they get everything off their chest without even a solution being offered.

People in general enjoy talking about themselves anyway, so once you master the art of listening, you will then find it easy to make friends anywhere or to make a good impression for that first date, which then can progressl more importantly to creating a fulfilling long term relationship.

Here Are The Top 5 Tips For Listening ~

1. Watch their body language & facial expressions to observe what they like and dislike
2. Put yourself in their position of the conversation or story
3. Realize what they value most, as they will tend to talk most about this.  This can include their passions and goals.
4. What were they hesitant about during the conversation, realize their fears.
5. Creates empathy towards the other person so they will enjoy you being around more

You can learn so much from a person by just observing them and listening to them, so try it with your next conversation.  Do more listening than speaking and see how the other person feels or responds.

Do you find yourself regularly asking more and more of your partner when you are in a relationship?

Do you find more things that they do everyday that seems to be annoying?

Do you tend to say more negative things about them then positive?

Do you criticize them often?

We all hate to be nagged at and criticizsed, especially considering women seem to do it more often to their man.  After you have been in a long term relationship for a while, a lot of couples tend to forget all the wonderful things that they do for each other and only get upset when something doesn’t get done or is done wrong.

Don’t be on autopilot, stop and look around to express gratitude to your partner for all the little things they do for you, the kids, animals, the house and maybe even your friends.  William James said it in his famous quote ~

“The deepest principle of human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”

Just saying thank you may not have such a lasting affect.  Whereas using touch when you say thank you, will have a more lasting affect as it will involve feeling as well.

We tend to blame the other person too easily without understanding all the facts about the situation first.  Also think about the main reason the mistake may have been made in the first place.  Maybe there was a misunderstanding, maybe they were following their own happiness or maybe they just did it because they thought it would make you happy.  Whatever the reason, make sure you completely understand where you partner is coming from without having to criticize.

Is your relationship with yourself affecting your relationship with others?  Are you happy with the person you are?  Are you happy with how you look after yourself?  Are you happy with your current career & lifestyle choices?  Are you happy with the way you talk and treat others?

The universe mirrors people and circumstances in relation to what’s going on inside yourself, even if it’s unconscious.  So when you find yourself being critical of others, it usually means you’re quite critical of yourself.

This is where it’s important to remember that you are unique, there is no one else quite like you and there is so much you have to offer the world with people that you meet everyday.  When you are happy within your own life, that happiness radiates from you onto others whether you are conscious of it or not.

It’s been scientifically proven now that we have approximately 60,000 thoughts everyday going on in our head, and the majority of those are unconscious.  So imagine if you became more aware of your thoughts and were able to control them and change them to what you want to think about.  We now know that we do get what we think about, so if you are constantly saying negative things about yourself, then that’s how other people will see you.

So from now on, sit, stand and walk tall feeling confident that you are special and here in this universe for a reason.  You are helping people everyday whether you are aware of that too or not.  Even a simple smile at another person can help them uplift their day.

So let’s now change your thoughts to more empowering ones including I am a genius, I love and accept myself as I am, I have a great memory, I am amazing at everything I do, I am highly creative.  The list you can create for positive thoughts can be endless.  Make notes of these new thoughts you want to create and stick them somewhere where you can see them often like in a diary.  I even heard the story of a lady who wears an elastic rubber band and every time she says a negative thought about herself or others, she snaps it on her herself as a reminder.

One of the hardest things for many people to do is to look at themselves in the mirror and say ‘I love you’.  Try it today and smile when you do it

The best way for women to improve their long term relationship immediately is to let their man know that they are grateful for every little thing he does for her.  Acknowledge and show him admiration when you see what he does so you can share with him the emotion you feel when you see him do something special or kind.

Another great thing you can do for a man is when he does compliment you, just say thank you.  Never ever disagree with a compliment that your man gives you.

Guys, whether a woman will say it or not, she does prefer a little romance.  A way of using this to improve your relationship is with compliments to her, and women thrive on compliments.  This doesn’t even have to cost you anything to let her know that she is special.

Other little things you can do for her which will make her feel special and loved can be a simple text message or note,  saying that you are thinking of her today and how she makes you feel.  Even picking flowers from a garden or the side of the road if you don’t want to spend money at a florist will do the same trick to add a little romance.

Another important issue with relationships is not to take each other for granted.  Make sure you tell each other when you see something nice has been done for you.  This also shows recognition of how you appreciate what the other person does that makes your relationship fulfilling and lasting.  Also don’t be afraid to involve touching them throughout the day if possible.  Holding hands, hugging, cuddling or even a soft touch on the cheek can show them love.

Also make sure you are aware of what your partner likes and enjoys doing the most so that you can help your partner make more time to do that.  We are most happy when we are doing what we love whether it be a hobby, sport or any other interest that excites us as it’s nourishing for the soul to keep learning and growing.

The smallest and simplest things can often make the biggest differences when done more frequently than big things for each other.  Be more attentive towards each other without keeping score.  Women need to learn to allow men to help and give more, without feeling like they have to do more in return.  This has primarily come from us being natural givers and nurturers from our mothering instincts, but you must allow the man to take care of you also.

The 7th & final point from the Recharge Your Relationship article is:

• Refocus on the main game

This means that your relationship with each other is the primary focus and priority.  Don’t let your partner come in 2nd to your work or job, there are ways and means to keep them feeling special and most important, even while you’re at work.

Appreciate and compliment your partner everyday.  Even when you have children, it’s still important to make a special time just for each other at least once a week.  If you find it hard to make time for each other because of children, just remember children grow up and move on, whereas you may want your partner to be around long after that.

An example of this can be like when you’re wanting to lose weight.  Going 1 day without eating your favourite candy bar isn’t going to help you lose weight, it’s doing a little bit every day like exercise and replacing those sugar and oily processed foods for a more healthy alternative.  So its the same with relationships, you work on it a little everyday so that you build up a bond together that will make it last.

This can include everyday little gifts, gestures, text messages that will make them smile.  Don’t over do it though and think of it as a competition where I gave more than you.  You will see each other giving little bits every day and just feeling grateful for each other for being thoughtful.  This also requires listening and paying close attention to what the other person likes and doesn’t like.  This will mean more than spending a lot on them for their birthday, so make sure you do something regular every day or every week.

This will build understanding of each other and more general happiness and gratitude towards each other.

Imagine getting a beautiful note like this from your beloved:

The 5th part of Recharge Your Relationship is:

• Play a little

As a couple busy during their everyday lives of working, cleaning, socializing with friends and family, you forget the importance of making time for you and your partner to have time together to create fun experiences.

Some of these can include theme parks, bush walking, mini golf, horse riding, island cruise, snorkeling, hot air ballooning, jet boating, jet skiing, day tours, zoo or wildlife adventure park.

It’s been proven that enjoyable experiences create a “mood-enhancing chemical dopamine: If your partner is present when your body generates this hormone, that feeling becomes linked to them” according to social psychologist Arthur Aron, PhD from Stony Brook University, USA.

The 3rd point from the Recharge Your Relationship article is:

• the power of oxytocin also known as “the love hormone”

This is a powerful hormone that people often forget about the benefits of.  This hormone has been proven to lower blood pressure and lower stress amongst many couples.

Ways of releasing it include sharing passionate kisses, hugging for no reason, holding hands, casually caressing, cuddling and even snuggling into one another.  Just thinking of your partner during the day when they’re not around can raise it also.

Oxytocin will create stronger emotional bonds between you and your partner when released regularly.  When you share a sexual experience together it heightens this bond, so that when you reach orgasm, you will double your oxytocin levels, which tends to be more bonding for females than for males.

Isn’t this interesting that there can be so much behind everything that we do and say in our relationship.  I knew about the bonding bit, but didn’t realise that oxytocin was linked to each experience we have.

The 2nd point from ‘Recharge Your Relationship’ is :

• Check in Daily

This is as simple as asking your partner how their day has been.  This may require you just being patient and listening.  If they have had troubles during the day, then it’s best not to comment or offer solutions unless asked.  If they have had great experiences through the day, then smile and say “That’s great to hear”.  Sharing positive experiences with each other at the end of the day will help bring you closer together.

It’s also important to remind the other person that you are lucky to be with them.  Even if your partner has had a bad day, focus on the good things that you have.

Next point is on the love hormone, “oxytocin”

I found an interesting article called “Recharge Your Relationship” in a small magazine called Prevention, Australia.  I’d like to share and summarize what I read and how it can help you in the future.  It includes 7 points relating to your overall relationship and how you act and communicate with each other on a regular basis and how that effects your relationship long term.  The 1st point is:

• Accentuate the Positive

There are good and bad traits with every relationship and every one has their own perception of ups and downs.  It’s important to realize that positive acknowledgments towards each other despite arguments, are what keep you remembering how special the other person is regardless.

So giving compliments to each other when you notice they do something nice for you is really important, no matter how small the gesture is .  What’s also affective is a loving touch that goes with the compliment, because how you feel in the situation is remembered more than words.

So it’s suggested that for every negative interaction you have with each other, there should be a follow up of 5 positives ones.  This will help you remember that your relationship has more positive attributes than negatives which will help it to stay strong.

Next point coming soon…

Before you can be in that great relationship that you dream of and that you know you can have, there is something more important that you have to understand first.  You have to be truly happy within yourself.  A great book which I just read called “Happy For No Reason” by Marci Shimoff and is one of the most amazing books to help you in every area of your life.  If you are happy within, then everything else around you seems to effortlessly fall into place.

Marci was featured in the movie The Secret which opens our eyes more to the natural everyday law of the universe called the law of attraction.  Wikipedia defines the phrase, Law of Attraction as an “idea that thoughts influence chance”.  It also states that “the Law of Attraction argues that thoughts (both conscious and unconscious) can affect things outside the head, not just through motivation, but by other means.  The Law of Attraction says that which is like unto itself is drawn”.

Global Oneness puts it in a more basic understanding that the “Law of attraction says that all your thoughts, all images in your mind, and all the feelings connected to your thoughts will later manifest as your reality. In other words; everything you have in your life – now – has been attracted to you through your mind”.

So now that you know that everything around you has been attracted to you by your thoughts, focus and feelings, the first key to change is awareness.  Once you are aware how you think, you can then change your thoughts to more positive ones of what you actually do want in your life.

This can be difficult at first, because you have to look at people and things differently and in a positive way.  There is always something good happening around you; you’re just too busy focusing on what’s wrong.

When you change this, you will start to notice a difference.  The main thing to focus on is gratitude.  Being grateful for everything you have in your life right now.  The more you are grateful for, the more the universe will send you more things to be grateful for.

I’m going to do a brief review of each chapter of Marci’s book on Happy For No Reason, so here is a quote from the book which also gives you a break down of what’s contained in the book:

“Many books on happiness just focus on the mind, but if you don’t also address your habitual behaviour in the other areas of your life, you won’t experience true happiness.  Here’s an overview of the steps:

1. The Foundation – Take Ownership of Your Happiness
2. The Pillar of the Mind – Don’t Believe Everything You Think
3. The Pillar of the Heart – Let Love Lead
4. The Pillar of the Body – Make Your Cells Happy
5. The Pillar of the Soul – Plug Yourself In to Spirit
6. The Roof – Live a Life Inspired by Purpose
7. The Garden – Cultivate Nourishing Relationships”

I will do a short separate review on each other those chapters every few days to give you more insight into finding that deep happy state.  But I do suggest reading the book in its entirety when you get the chance and I will finish with a quote:

“Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence” – Aristotle