Lauren McEachranRelationship Coach, Attract Love, Relationships, Law Of Attraction, Healthy Relationships

Listening to someone completely is one of the most important things you can do for them.  When we talk about listening, we really mean listening with your whole body, mind and heart.   Be completely present with the person and even communicate back to them what they have said in order to show that you understand.

Listening is particularly difficult if you are already upset with the other person, so remaining calm through all conversations is vital.  Also make sure you understand what they said fully, before it’s your turn to speak.

When having a conversation with your partner, listening to them fully involves putting yourself in their position of whatever it is that they are talking about.  Listening also requires strength, patience and self control.

Listening is not a simple skill to master, and it also shows how much we care about the other person.  If you’re in a relationship and you’re partner has had a crappy day, then they usually just enjoy someone listening to them while they get everything off their chest without even a solution being offered.

People in general enjoy talking about themselves anyway, so once you master the art of listening, you will then find it easy to make friends anywhere or to make a good impression for that first date, which then can progressl more importantly to creating a fulfilling long term relationship.

Here Are The Top 5 Tips For Listening ~

1. Watch their body language & facial expressions to observe what they like and dislike
2. Put yourself in their position of the conversation or story
3. Realize what they value most, as they will tend to talk most about this.  This can include their passions and goals.
4. What were they hesitant about during the conversation, realize their fears.
5. Creates empathy towards the other person so they will enjoy you being around more

You can learn so much from a person by just observing them and listening to them, so try it with your next conversation.  Do more listening than speaking and see how the other person feels or responds.

Do you find yourself regularly asking more and more of your partner when you are in a relationship?

Do you find more things that they do everyday that seems to be annoying?

Do you tend to say more negative things about them then positive?

Do you criticize them often?

We all hate to be nagged at and criticizsed, especially considering women seem to do it more often to their man.  After you have been in a long term relationship for a while, a lot of couples tend to forget all the wonderful things that they do for each other and only get upset when something doesn’t get done or is done wrong.

Don’t be on autopilot, stop and look around to express gratitude to your partner for all the little things they do for you, the kids, animals, the house and maybe even your friends.  William James said it in his famous quote ~

“The deepest principle of human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”

Just saying thank you may not have such a lasting affect.  Whereas using touch when you say thank you, will have a more lasting affect as it will involve feeling as well.

We tend to blame the other person too easily without understanding all the facts about the situation first.  Also think about the main reason the mistake may have been made in the first place.  Maybe there was a misunderstanding, maybe they were following their own happiness or maybe they just did it because they thought it would make you happy.  Whatever the reason, make sure you completely understand where you partner is coming from without having to criticize.

The best way for women to improve their long term relationship immediately is to let their man know that they are grateful for every little thing he does for her.  Acknowledge and show him admiration when you see what he does so you can share with him the emotion you feel when you see him do something special or kind.

Another great thing you can do for a man is when he does compliment you, just say thank you.  Never ever disagree with a compliment that your man gives you.

Guys, whether a woman will say it or not, she does prefer a little romance.  A way of using this to improve your relationship is with compliments to her, and women thrive on compliments.  This doesn’t even have to cost you anything to let her know that she is special.

Other little things you can do for her which will make her feel special and loved can be a simple text message or note,  saying that you are thinking of her today and how she makes you feel.  Even picking flowers from a garden or the side of the road if you don’t want to spend money at a florist will do the same trick to add a little romance.

Another important issue with relationships is not to take each other for granted.  Make sure you tell each other when you see something nice has been done for you.  This also shows recognition of how you appreciate what the other person does that makes your relationship fulfilling and lasting.  Also don’t be afraid to involve touching them throughout the day if possible.  Holding hands, hugging, cuddling or even a soft touch on the cheek can show them love.

Also make sure you are aware of what your partner likes and enjoys doing the most so that you can help your partner make more time to do that.  We are most happy when we are doing what we love whether it be a hobby, sport or any other interest that excites us as it’s nourishing for the soul to keep learning and growing.

The smallest and simplest things can often make the biggest differences when done more frequently than big things for each other.  Be more attentive towards each other without keeping score.  Women need to learn to allow men to help and give more, without feeling like they have to do more in return.  This has primarily come from us being natural givers and nurturers from our mothering instincts, but you must allow the man to take care of you also.

Book review of The Complete Book of Rules ~ Time-tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr Right

Interesting book written by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider that really helps all women who have trouble maintaining a long term relationship.  I know myself that there are many rules in the book that I have broken myself.  It makes sense because when you’re not really interested in a guy, that’s when he chases you and when you are really interested, the you’re too available and he sees you as needy and too easy.  This book even outlines the reasons for the rules and why they work.

This book goes through 55 Rules that women need to stick by in order to have the man of their dreams chase and marry them.  It also includes the history behind them, success stories and making sure you are ready before you meet your handsome prince.

As listed on their website, the overall objective of the rules is to get the man to pursue the woman at all times, because even though men may not always admit it, but they prefer having to chase a woman rather than her being too easy.

If guys then become confused as to knowing if she really likes them because she is hard to get a hold of or book a future date with, well, you will be able to tell by the way she listens attentively, reciprocates the flirting and will be excited to hear from you or see you.

For example, being the kind, generous and giving person I am, I was happy to meet him half way, organize things for him, buy him things I knew he wanted or liked and try to help him change for the better.  But that’s not how guys like to be treated.  Men don’t want to be told what to do, how to act or what to wear.  Men want to be your hero, your knight in shining armour who can help you with things, spoil you, be attentive to you and treat you like a princess.  All you have to do is be a lady, confident, polite, kind and empathetic without gift giving (except for birthdays & Christmas) and busy with your own life so that you can allow him to chase you.

Don’t ever call! If he’s interested, he’ll call….I just finished reading The Rules. That is the best book ever

—KELLY ROWLAND Destiny’s Child (CosmoGIRL!)

After watching the movie last night “As Good As It Gets” I realized that the movie has a few powerful lines in it relating to the sort of love we all deserve.  When you think of the ideal partner for you, how do you imagine that they will act?  How will they treat you?  What will they say?

We don’t have to settle for second best at all!  There are so many people in this world all looking for the most amazing partner of their dreams and they are determined to treat them like they would like to be treated.  Once you establish what you want in your ideal partner, then you straight away send a vibrational signal out into the universe that will bring about that which you want.  So make sure you stay focused on having that ideal partner and erase any negative thoughts that come into your mind or doubts that will prevent that ideal person for you to come along.

So you have to hold that positive vibration and stay in the good feeling place, knowing that you deserve that person.  Then you have to let go and trust that the universe will bring them to you when the time is right.

So referring back to the movie and knowing that you can have anything you want.  I would like to bring to your attention certain quotes that will give you a good idea of what sort of relationship you deserve and that you know you can have.  So in the movie As Good As It Gets, the first powerful romantic line that caught my attention was when Melvin explains to Carol what his compliment to her is:

Fast Tube by Casper

Don’t you just light up inside when he says “You make me want to be a better man”.

So guys, you need to find that woman who you feel makes you want to be a better man.  Girls, there are guys out there who will adore you that much.  Just make sure that you are already that adorable person, you’re just waiting for that ideal man to say it to you.

Another line from that movie which touched my heart was when Melvin was at the bar and said to the barman “You make her smile and you have a life“.  Aw, how sweet is that.  As I mentioned in previous posts, being happy is the key to a fulfilling life and even to be happy right now in whatever situation you are currently in.  There is always something around you that you can smile about if you look hard enough.

So imagine that ideal partner who smiles a lot and prefers to look at all the good things in their life.  So someone who is already happy within themselves, then have that happiness to give away to others and make them smile too.  So even though Melvin was initially a nasty, grumpy man, he saw the beauty and joy in Carol and how she acted even though she didn’t have a partner in her life, and he wanted to be part of that.

Then at the end of the movie Melvin explains to Carol why he wants to be with her.  This is what Melvin says exactly and girls, try not to cry…

“I might be the only person on the face of the earth that knows you’re the greatest woman on earth. I might be the only one who appreciates how amazing you are in every single thing that you do, and how you are with Spencer, “Spence,” and in every single thought that you have, and how you say what you mean, and how you almost always mean something that’s all about being straight and good. I think most people miss that about you, and I watch them, wondering how they can watch you bring their food, and clear their tables and never get that they just met the greatest woman alive. And the fact that I get it makes me feel good, about me”.

Now that is pretty powerful and romantic.  That is something that the guys would say to their soul mate or ideal partner and girls, that’s something you deserve to hear from a guy who gets you.  Maybe not in those exact words, but something similar.  So if you’re single, you should be excited because that is what you have to look forward to.

Before you can be in that great relationship that you dream of and that you know you can have, there is something more important that you have to understand first.  You have to be truly happy within yourself.  A great book which I just read called “Happy For No Reason” by Marci Shimoff and is one of the most amazing books to help you in every area of your life.  If you are happy within, then everything else around you seems to effortlessly fall into place.

Marci was featured in the movie The Secret which opens our eyes more to the natural everyday law of the universe called the law of attraction.  Wikipedia defines the phrase, Law of Attraction as an “idea that thoughts influence chance”.  It also states that “the Law of Attraction argues that thoughts (both conscious and unconscious) can affect things outside the head, not just through motivation, but by other means.  The Law of Attraction says that which is like unto itself is drawn”.

Global Oneness puts it in a more basic understanding that the “Law of attraction says that all your thoughts, all images in your mind, and all the feelings connected to your thoughts will later manifest as your reality. In other words; everything you have in your life – now – has been attracted to you through your mind”.

So now that you know that everything around you has been attracted to you by your thoughts, focus and feelings, the first key to change is awareness.  Once you are aware how you think, you can then change your thoughts to more positive ones of what you actually do want in your life.

This can be difficult at first, because you have to look at people and things differently and in a positive way.  There is always something good happening around you; you’re just too busy focusing on what’s wrong.

When you change this, you will start to notice a difference.  The main thing to focus on is gratitude.  Being grateful for everything you have in your life right now.  The more you are grateful for, the more the universe will send you more things to be grateful for.

I’m going to do a brief review of each chapter of Marci’s book on Happy For No Reason, so here is a quote from the book which also gives you a break down of what’s contained in the book:

“Many books on happiness just focus on the mind, but if you don’t also address your habitual behaviour in the other areas of your life, you won’t experience true happiness.  Here’s an overview of the steps:

1. The Foundation – Take Ownership of Your Happiness
2. The Pillar of the Mind – Don’t Believe Everything You Think
3. The Pillar of the Heart – Let Love Lead
4. The Pillar of the Body – Make Your Cells Happy
5. The Pillar of the Soul – Plug Yourself In to Spirit
6. The Roof – Live a Life Inspired by Purpose
7. The Garden – Cultivate Nourishing Relationships”

I will do a short separate review on each other those chapters every few days to give you more insight into finding that deep happy state.  But I do suggest reading the book in its entirety when you get the chance and I will finish with a quote:

“Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence” – Aristotle