Lauren McEachranRelationship Coach, Attract Love, Relationships, Law Of Attraction, Healthy Relationships

With online dating, you show interest towards each other with virtual winks and kisses.  After you have shown that you are both interested, an email will be sent with first contact.  Ladies, I’d wait and let him make first contact.  This is the same with meeting people when you are out, you don’t go up to him first, allow him to come to you.  That way, you know he is definitely interested.  Guys, it’s important to step up and show your masculinity by being able to make the first contact even if you’re shy.

So the first email that you send to each other is very important as to how it is written up, as it gives the other person a great first impression of you.

So the first tip is:

Be Creative

Don’t just talk about your job or what you normally do for a living, try to dig deep into the other person’s values and passions so you can find out what really makes them tick, without being obtrusive.   Remember you are trying to learn as much as you can about the important aspects of the other person, so don’t talk about yourself much unless you are answering questions that they have asked you.

So when you begin writing to each other, be creative, be different and stand out from the crowd.  Don’t ask what work they do for a living or what car they drive.  This will have them wondering that you are only interested in them if they have money.  Instead, talk about their interests, passions, hobbies and sports that they are doing.  This should be present on their profile, so make sure you read it thoroughly so that you know what questions to ask related to them.

Keep these topics of conversation simple for the first week or so as you don’t want to dive into their lives too quickly and you also want to keep a little mysterious by not revealing everything about yourself too soon.  This means you can include basic topics such as the weather, travel, politics or what’s currently happening in your area.  Movies can be a good topic too if that was included in their interests.  So mainly focus on light conversations including their interests,  sports they may be involved in or other activities meantioned on their profile.

Also think about the sort of things that would make a relationship last long term?

What do you value most in life?  Do they have the same values?

Listening to someone completely is one of the most important things you can do for them.  When we talk about listening, we really mean listening with your whole body, mind and heart.   Be completely present with the person and even communicate back to them what they have said in order to show that you understand.

Listening is particularly difficult if you are already upset with the other person, so remaining calm through all conversations is vital.  Also make sure you understand what they said fully, before it’s your turn to speak.

When having a conversation with your partner, listening to them fully involves putting yourself in their position of whatever it is that they are talking about.  Listening also requires strength, patience and self control.

Listening is not a simple skill to master, and it also shows how much we care about the other person.  If you’re in a relationship and you’re partner has had a crappy day, then they usually just enjoy someone listening to them while they get everything off their chest without even a solution being offered.

People in general enjoy talking about themselves anyway, so once you master the art of listening, you will then find it easy to make friends anywhere or to make a good impression for that first date, which then can progressl more importantly to creating a fulfilling long term relationship.

Here Are The Top 5 Tips For Listening ~

1. Watch their body language & facial expressions to observe what they like and dislike
2. Put yourself in their position of the conversation or story
3. Realize what they value most, as they will tend to talk most about this.  This can include their passions and goals.
4. What were they hesitant about during the conversation, realize their fears.
5. Creates empathy towards the other person so they will enjoy you being around more

You can learn so much from a person by just observing them and listening to them, so try it with your next conversation.  Do more listening than speaking and see how the other person feels or responds.

Have you ever met someone and been keen for a relationship with them, only to soon find out that they aren’t really the right person for you after all.  I’m sure we have all been in this situation.  Maybe even on  both sides of the fence.  This recently happened to a male friend of mine and he is currently baffled.  He met this girl at a friends party and they seemed to hit it off nicely.  He got her phone number and prompted to text her the next day, which then led on to wanting to meet up again for a drink.  She responded postively by saying that she was available on that day and keen to catch up.  With a few more messages of keen interest, he then tried to call her a couple of days before this date to confirm she was still available and there was no answer.  So he sent her a text message asking if she was still able to make their pre-arranged date and time.  No response.

How could someone sound so keen and then not reply at all?  Well, I asked him to put himself in her situaiton.  What may of caused her to no longer resond?  Maybe something happened to her or her phone?  Maybe she met someone else or her ex wanted her back and she didn’t want to hurt his feelings?  Maybe friends or family advised against it? 

No matter what the cause of not wanting to respond, I believe it’s always higher integrity to give some sort of response, than none at all.  Letting someone know that you are no longer interested allows them to move on with an answer.  They may be hurting from this response and may want more of a reason than the one you gave, but at least you politely told them you were no longer interested.

Or maybe you were interested, but you have better prospects that you want to try out first?  I’ve done this before too.  Even if you do have better prospects, that usually means that the particular person you will no longer respond too, wasn’t good enough for you in the first place because you are looking for something better.  Don’t ever settle for someone because you don’t think you could do any better.  You can have that amazing person to share a relationship with if you believe you deserve it.

Also, don’t forget the old karma of what goes around comes around.  So if you have ignored someone when you are no longer interested, that may come back to you with someone who you are interested in, and they become no longer interested in you.

Wow! I went to the Yahoo Personals Dating website, only to find that it is going to be taken over by Match.com as of the 21st of July 2010.  Goes to show the strength of Match.com and how it’s trying to conquer the Online Dating world.  So just refer to my Match.com Review under the blog Which Online Dating Website?

I would also like to review RSVP Online Dating Website though from personal experience and because of it’s high reputation.  Datingsitesreviews.com also named it the best Online Dating Website for Australia.  So it’s only been set up for Australians, but always has a very high quality of people involved.

I used it over a year ago and was very impressed with the quality of men who contacted me and whom I met, became good friends with, and even dated.  Though the relationship didn’t work out due to a lot of things happening in my life at that time, I’ve been more than happy to sign up again.  My brother also met his current wife on there and has been happily married now for many years.

Like most top rated Online Dating Websites, they recommend you to fill out a personality section that can seem very time consuming, but I would highly recommend it.  When doing that, make sure you are always honest with what you are really looking for in an ideal partner as well as stating true information about yourself.

In order to contact someone, you need to buy stamps though and for RSVP to be a high profile dating website, means that their costs are the same as the other popular dating websites.  So purchasing 1 stamp allows you to contact only 1 person.

They only sell the stamps in bundles though and these include:

6 stamps at $9.99 a stamp, valid for 1 month = $59.95 ~ 6 stamps at $11.69 a stamp, valid for 2 months = $69.95 ~ 12 stamps at $7.50 a stamp, valid for 3 months = $89.95 ~ 24 stamps at $4.59 a stamp, valid for 6 months = $109.95

Or shortly after you sign up, they offer 1 free stamp with the 1 month subscription. They also have offline methods of purchasing stamps as well, which means they can’t accidentally keep charging a credit card.

RSVP allows everyone to sign up for free and send out kisses of interest for free to those who grab your attention.  RSVP is great for women though, as it’s also free to contact another person after they have initiated contact with you. This includes sending an email to each other via the website, and free chat when you are both online at the same time. Ladies, this is what you should be doing anyway, because we don’t chase men or initiate contact, we allow them to come to us.

Each of the top Online Dating Websites that I have reviewed also have separate communities for you to join in your area.  I reviewed the 3 top voted by you Online Dating Websites from datingsitereviews.com which were:

1st – Match.com ~ 2nd – eHarmony.com ~ 3rd Yahoo Personals (Soon to be Match.com), and RSVP.com.au from my home country of Australia.

Do you find yourself regularly asking more and more of your partner when you are in a relationship?

Do you find more things that they do everyday that seems to be annoying?

Do you tend to say more negative things about them then positive?

Do you criticize them often?

We all hate to be nagged at and criticizsed, especially considering women seem to do it more often to their man.  After you have been in a long term relationship for a while, a lot of couples tend to forget all the wonderful things that they do for each other and only get upset when something doesn’t get done or is done wrong.

Don’t be on autopilot, stop and look around to express gratitude to your partner for all the little things they do for you, the kids, animals, the house and maybe even your friends.  William James said it in his famous quote ~

“The deepest principle of human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”

Just saying thank you may not have such a lasting affect.  Whereas using touch when you say thank you, will have a more lasting affect as it will involve feeling as well.

We tend to blame the other person too easily without understanding all the facts about the situation first.  Also think about the main reason the mistake may have been made in the first place.  Maybe there was a misunderstanding, maybe they were following their own happiness or maybe they just did it because they thought it would make you happy.  Whatever the reason, make sure you completely understand where you partner is coming from without having to criticize.

The best way for women to improve their long term relationship immediately is to let their man know that they are grateful for every little thing he does for her.  Acknowledge and show him admiration when you see what he does so you can share with him the emotion you feel when you see him do something special or kind.

Another great thing you can do for a man is when he does compliment you, just say thank you.  Never ever disagree with a compliment that your man gives you.

Guys, whether a woman will say it or not, she does prefer a little romance.  A way of using this to improve your relationship is with compliments to her, and women thrive on compliments.  This doesn’t even have to cost you anything to let her know that she is special.

Other little things you can do for her which will make her feel special and loved can be a simple text message or note,  saying that you are thinking of her today and how she makes you feel.  Even picking flowers from a garden or the side of the road if you don’t want to spend money at a florist will do the same trick to add a little romance.

Another important issue with relationships is not to take each other for granted.  Make sure you tell each other when you see something nice has been done for you.  This also shows recognition of how you appreciate what the other person does that makes your relationship fulfilling and lasting.  Also don’t be afraid to involve touching them throughout the day if possible.  Holding hands, hugging, cuddling or even a soft touch on the cheek can show them love.

Also make sure you are aware of what your partner likes and enjoys doing the most so that you can help your partner make more time to do that.  We are most happy when we are doing what we love whether it be a hobby, sport or any other interest that excites us as it’s nourishing for the soul to keep learning and growing.

The smallest and simplest things can often make the biggest differences when done more frequently than big things for each other.  Be more attentive towards each other without keeping score.  Women need to learn to allow men to help and give more, without feeling like they have to do more in return.  This has primarily come from us being natural givers and nurturers from our mothering instincts, but you must allow the man to take care of you also.

Book review of The Complete Book of Rules ~ Time-tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr Right

Interesting book written by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider that really helps all women who have trouble maintaining a long term relationship.  I know myself that there are many rules in the book that I have broken myself.  It makes sense because when you’re not really interested in a guy, that’s when he chases you and when you are really interested, the you’re too available and he sees you as needy and too easy.  This book even outlines the reasons for the rules and why they work.

This book goes through 55 Rules that women need to stick by in order to have the man of their dreams chase and marry them.  It also includes the history behind them, success stories and making sure you are ready before you meet your handsome prince.

As listed on their website, the overall objective of the rules is to get the man to pursue the woman at all times, because even though men may not always admit it, but they prefer having to chase a woman rather than her being too easy.

If guys then become confused as to knowing if she really likes them because she is hard to get a hold of or book a future date with, well, you will be able to tell by the way she listens attentively, reciprocates the flirting and will be excited to hear from you or see you.

For example, being the kind, generous and giving person I am, I was happy to meet him half way, organize things for him, buy him things I knew he wanted or liked and try to help him change for the better.  But that’s not how guys like to be treated.  Men don’t want to be told what to do, how to act or what to wear.  Men want to be your hero, your knight in shining armour who can help you with things, spoil you, be attentive to you and treat you like a princess.  All you have to do is be a lady, confident, polite, kind and empathetic without gift giving (except for birthdays & Christmas) and busy with your own life so that you can allow him to chase you.

Don’t ever call! If he’s interested, he’ll call….I just finished reading The Rules. That is the best book ever

—KELLY ROWLAND Destiny’s Child (CosmoGIRL!)

The 7th & final point from the Recharge Your Relationship article is:

• Refocus on the main game

This means that your relationship with each other is the primary focus and priority.  Don’t let your partner come in 2nd to your work or job, there are ways and means to keep them feeling special and most important, even while you’re at work.

Appreciate and compliment your partner everyday.  Even when you have children, it’s still important to make a special time just for each other at least once a week.  If you find it hard to make time for each other because of children, just remember children grow up and move on, whereas you may want your partner to be around long after that.

An example of this can be like when you’re wanting to lose weight.  Going 1 day without eating your favourite candy bar isn’t going to help you lose weight, it’s doing a little bit every day like exercise and replacing those sugar and oily processed foods for a more healthy alternative.  So its the same with relationships, you work on it a little everyday so that you build up a bond together that will make it last.

This can include everyday little gifts, gestures, text messages that will make them smile.  Don’t over do it though and think of it as a competition where I gave more than you.  You will see each other giving little bits every day and just feeling grateful for each other for being thoughtful.  This also requires listening and paying close attention to what the other person likes and doesn’t like.  This will mean more than spending a lot on them for their birthday, so make sure you do something regular every day or every week.

This will build understanding of each other and more general happiness and gratitude towards each other.

Imagine getting a beautiful note like this from your beloved: