Lauren McEachranRelationship Coach, Attract Love, Relationships, Law Of Attraction, Healthy Relationships

Listening to someone completely is one of the most important things you can do for them.  When we talk about listening, we really mean listening with your whole body, mind and heart.   Be completely present with the person and even communicate back to them what they have said in order to show that you understand.

Listening is particularly difficult if you are already upset with the other person, so remaining calm through all conversations is vital.  Also make sure you understand what they said fully, before it’s your turn to speak.

When having a conversation with your partner, listening to them fully involves putting yourself in their position of whatever it is that they are talking about.  Listening also requires strength, patience and self control.

Listening is not a simple skill to master, and it also shows how much we care about the other person.  If you’re in a relationship and you’re partner has had a crappy day, then they usually just enjoy someone listening to them while they get everything off their chest without even a solution being offered.

People in general enjoy talking about themselves anyway, so once you master the art of listening, you will then find it easy to make friends anywhere or to make a good impression for that first date, which then can progressl more importantly to creating a fulfilling long term relationship.

Here Are The Top 5 Tips For Listening ~

1. Watch their body language & facial expressions to observe what they like and dislike
2. Put yourself in their position of the conversation or story
3. Realize what they value most, as they will tend to talk most about this.  This can include their passions and goals.
4. What were they hesitant about during the conversation, realize their fears.
5. Creates empathy towards the other person so they will enjoy you being around more

You can learn so much from a person by just observing them and listening to them, so try it with your next conversation.  Do more listening than speaking and see how the other person feels or responds.

Have you ever met someone and been keen for a relationship with them, only to soon find out that they aren’t really the right person for you after all.  I’m sure we have all been in this situation.  Maybe even on  both sides of the fence.  This recently happened to a male friend of mine and he is currently baffled.  He met this girl at a friends party and they seemed to hit it off nicely.  He got her phone number and prompted to text her the next day, which then led on to wanting to meet up again for a drink.  She responded postively by saying that she was available on that day and keen to catch up.  With a few more messages of keen interest, he then tried to call her a couple of days before this date to confirm she was still available and there was no answer.  So he sent her a text message asking if she was still able to make their pre-arranged date and time.  No response.

How could someone sound so keen and then not reply at all?  Well, I asked him to put himself in her situaiton.  What may of caused her to no longer resond?  Maybe something happened to her or her phone?  Maybe she met someone else or her ex wanted her back and she didn’t want to hurt his feelings?  Maybe friends or family advised against it? 

No matter what the cause of not wanting to respond, I believe it’s always higher integrity to give some sort of response, than none at all.  Letting someone know that you are no longer interested allows them to move on with an answer.  They may be hurting from this response and may want more of a reason than the one you gave, but at least you politely told them you were no longer interested.

Or maybe you were interested, but you have better prospects that you want to try out first?  I’ve done this before too.  Even if you do have better prospects, that usually means that the particular person you will no longer respond too, wasn’t good enough for you in the first place because you are looking for something better.  Don’t ever settle for someone because you don’t think you could do any better.  You can have that amazing person to share a relationship with if you believe you deserve it.

Also, don’t forget the old karma of what goes around comes around.  So if you have ignored someone when you are no longer interested, that may come back to you with someone who you are interested in, and they become no longer interested in you.

Do you find yourself regularly asking more and more of your partner when you are in a relationship?

Do you find more things that they do everyday that seems to be annoying?

Do you tend to say more negative things about them then positive?

Do you criticize them often?

We all hate to be nagged at and criticizsed, especially considering women seem to do it more often to their man.  After you have been in a long term relationship for a while, a lot of couples tend to forget all the wonderful things that they do for each other and only get upset when something doesn’t get done or is done wrong.

Don’t be on autopilot, stop and look around to express gratitude to your partner for all the little things they do for you, the kids, animals, the house and maybe even your friends.  William James said it in his famous quote ~

“The deepest principle of human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”

Just saying thank you may not have such a lasting affect.  Whereas using touch when you say thank you, will have a more lasting affect as it will involve feeling as well.

We tend to blame the other person too easily without understanding all the facts about the situation first.  Also think about the main reason the mistake may have been made in the first place.  Maybe there was a misunderstanding, maybe they were following their own happiness or maybe they just did it because they thought it would make you happy.  Whatever the reason, make sure you completely understand where you partner is coming from without having to criticize.

The best way for women to improve their long term relationship immediately is to let their man know that they are grateful for every little thing he does for her.  Acknowledge and show him admiration when you see what he does so you can share with him the emotion you feel when you see him do something special or kind.

Another great thing you can do for a man is when he does compliment you, just say thank you.  Never ever disagree with a compliment that your man gives you.

Guys, whether a woman will say it or not, she does prefer a little romance.  A way of using this to improve your relationship is with compliments to her, and women thrive on compliments.  This doesn’t even have to cost you anything to let her know that she is special.

Other little things you can do for her which will make her feel special and loved can be a simple text message or note,  saying that you are thinking of her today and how she makes you feel.  Even picking flowers from a garden or the side of the road if you don’t want to spend money at a florist will do the same trick to add a little romance.

Another important issue with relationships is not to take each other for granted.  Make sure you tell each other when you see something nice has been done for you.  This also shows recognition of how you appreciate what the other person does that makes your relationship fulfilling and lasting.  Also don’t be afraid to involve touching them throughout the day if possible.  Holding hands, hugging, cuddling or even a soft touch on the cheek can show them love.

Also make sure you are aware of what your partner likes and enjoys doing the most so that you can help your partner make more time to do that.  We are most happy when we are doing what we love whether it be a hobby, sport or any other interest that excites us as it’s nourishing for the soul to keep learning and growing.

The smallest and simplest things can often make the biggest differences when done more frequently than big things for each other.  Be more attentive towards each other without keeping score.  Women need to learn to allow men to help and give more, without feeling like they have to do more in return.  This has primarily come from us being natural givers and nurturers from our mothering instincts, but you must allow the man to take care of you also.

Book review of The Complete Book of Rules ~ Time-tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr Right

Interesting book written by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider that really helps all women who have trouble maintaining a long term relationship.  I know myself that there are many rules in the book that I have broken myself.  It makes sense because when you’re not really interested in a guy, that’s when he chases you and when you are really interested, the you’re too available and he sees you as needy and too easy.  This book even outlines the reasons for the rules and why they work.

This book goes through 55 Rules that women need to stick by in order to have the man of their dreams chase and marry them.  It also includes the history behind them, success stories and making sure you are ready before you meet your handsome prince.

As listed on their website, the overall objective of the rules is to get the man to pursue the woman at all times, because even though men may not always admit it, but they prefer having to chase a woman rather than her being too easy.

If guys then become confused as to knowing if she really likes them because she is hard to get a hold of or book a future date with, well, you will be able to tell by the way she listens attentively, reciprocates the flirting and will be excited to hear from you or see you.

For example, being the kind, generous and giving person I am, I was happy to meet him half way, organize things for him, buy him things I knew he wanted or liked and try to help him change for the better.  But that’s not how guys like to be treated.  Men don’t want to be told what to do, how to act or what to wear.  Men want to be your hero, your knight in shining armour who can help you with things, spoil you, be attentive to you and treat you like a princess.  All you have to do is be a lady, confident, polite, kind and empathetic without gift giving (except for birthdays & Christmas) and busy with your own life so that you can allow him to chase you.

Don’t ever call! If he’s interested, he’ll call….I just finished reading The Rules. That is the best book ever

—KELLY ROWLAND Destiny’s Child (CosmoGIRL!)

How do you know if someone is the right person for you?

Have you ever thought about who would be the right partner for you?

Well, the best way to look at this, is starting with what you don’t want.  So if you have had a past relationship that didn’t work out and that partner had certain attributes and you know that you don’t want to live with someone like that, then it’s time to work out who you want to live with.

For example, you may look back to a partner who was dishonest and cheating.  So you know that’s what you don’t want, so write that down and make up a list of everything you can think of that you have seen in another relationship or personally experienced.

Then on another page you convert it to what you DO want.  So you write down, they are honest and trustworthy which is the opposite of dishonest and cheating for example and that’s what you focus on.

What do you want in a partner?  Do you want someone romantic?  Supportive? Someone who loves animals?  Loves and wants children? Open-minded to trying to things? Adventurous? Spiritual or religious? Affectionate? Emotionally available?  Loves to Travel?  It may seem like you have a lot that you want in a partner, so don’t be afraid to keep writing down what you want until you are satisfied.

Don’t be too specific or demanding though, like massages me everyday or only goes to outings I like/enjoy or only eats the same foods as I do.   Just remember, you don’t want them to be perfect otherwise life with them would be boring.  Don’t expect him to buy you everything either, as you want to be a little independent also, and maintain a strong sense of your own achievements or goals.

Also, just because you don’t know anyone in a really happy fulfilling relationship, doesn’t mean they don’t exist ~ because they DO!

The universe only knows to give you what you think about, so make sure you are thinking about what you want, not what you don’t want.

This is where you may also notice a pattern with the past relationships that you’ve had and then finally be able to break that pattern.  When I first did this, I realized that my ex boyfriends had a lot in common and that I seemed to be attracted to the same type of guy who wasn’t really what I wanted.  Even if I didn’t realize this fully at the time.

Doing this exercise alone will improve your future relationships drastically as you will be able to notice straight away if someone has a particular attribute that you really don’t want in a partner, without waiting until the heartache.

Attraction shouldn’t be the only thing you are looking for, especially if you want to eventually build up a long term relationship leading to marriage where you will be with them everyday and you want them to be able to keep up with whatever life path you would like for yourself.

The 7th & final point from the Recharge Your Relationship article is:

• Refocus on the main game

This means that your relationship with each other is the primary focus and priority.  Don’t let your partner come in 2nd to your work or job, there are ways and means to keep them feeling special and most important, even while you’re at work.

Appreciate and compliment your partner everyday.  Even when you have children, it’s still important to make a special time just for each other at least once a week.  If you find it hard to make time for each other because of children, just remember children grow up and move on, whereas you may want your partner to be around long after that.

An example of this can be like when you’re wanting to lose weight.  Going 1 day without eating your favourite candy bar isn’t going to help you lose weight, it’s doing a little bit every day like exercise and replacing those sugar and oily processed foods for a more healthy alternative.  So its the same with relationships, you work on it a little everyday so that you build up a bond together that will make it last.

This can include everyday little gifts, gestures, text messages that will make them smile.  Don’t over do it though and think of it as a competition where I gave more than you.  You will see each other giving little bits every day and just feeling grateful for each other for being thoughtful.  This also requires listening and paying close attention to what the other person likes and doesn’t like.  This will mean more than spending a lot on them for their birthday, so make sure you do something regular every day or every week.

This will build understanding of each other and more general happiness and gratitude towards each other.

Imagine getting a beautiful note like this from your beloved:

The 5th part of Recharge Your Relationship is:

• Play a little

As a couple busy during their everyday lives of working, cleaning, socializing with friends and family, you forget the importance of making time for you and your partner to have time together to create fun experiences.

Some of these can include theme parks, bush walking, mini golf, horse riding, island cruise, snorkeling, hot air ballooning, jet boating, jet skiing, day tours, zoo or wildlife adventure park.

It’s been proven that enjoyable experiences create a “mood-enhancing chemical dopamine: If your partner is present when your body generates this hormone, that feeling becomes linked to them” according to social psychologist Arthur Aron, PhD from Stony Brook University, USA.

The 2nd point from ‘Recharge Your Relationship’ is :

• Check in Daily

This is as simple as asking your partner how their day has been.  This may require you just being patient and listening.  If they have had troubles during the day, then it’s best not to comment or offer solutions unless asked.  If they have had great experiences through the day, then smile and say “That’s great to hear”.  Sharing positive experiences with each other at the end of the day will help bring you closer together.

It’s also important to remind the other person that you are lucky to be with them.  Even if your partner has had a bad day, focus on the good things that you have.

Next point is on the love hormone, “oxytocin”

Hi, my name is Lauren and I am a relationship coach and I would like to answer the popular question of “What is a relationship coach?” that a lot of people seem to be asking.  I am a relationship coach who will be sharing my ideas, book reviews from relationship books I read, tips and any bits of information I can find on having awesome, life long, happy relationship.

Firstly, it’s important to look at exactly what coaching is.

Wikipedia defines coaching as –

“A method of directing, instructing and training a person or group of people, with the aim to achieve some goal or develop specific skills.”

“Sessions may be one-on-one either or in a group setting, in-person or over the telephone or via IRC. It may include seminars, workshops, or supervised practice.”

Wikipedia then defines dating coaching as –

“Coaches whose job it is to direct and train people to improve their success in dating and relationships.  A dating coach directs and trains his/her clients on various aspects of meeting and attracting long-term partners and meeting more compatible prospects. The focus of most programs is on confident and congruent communication. Dating coaches may focus on topics important to the art of dating: interpersonal skills, flirting, psychology, sociology, compatibility, fashion and recreational activities.”

In summary, the goal of relationship coaching is to observe yourself differently, find real love within yourself and others, so you can attract the right person for you.

Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) is quite powerful in helping people attract the person of their dreams, which is why it’s important to explain exactly what it is here:

NLP is defined as a controversial approach to psychotherapy and organizational change based on “a model of interpersonal communication chiefly concerned with the relationship between successful patterns of behaviour and the subjective experiences (esp. patterns of thought) underlying them”.  NLP also “educates people in self-awareness and effective communication, to change their patterns of mental and emotional behaviour”.

To break NLP down, it’s a connection between neurological processes (‘neuro’), language (‘linguistic’) and behavioural patterns that have been learned through experience (‘programming’) and that can then be organized and controlled with new awareness to achieve specific goals in life.

So, still wondering what is a relationship coach?  Relationship coaches can vary with different coaches offering their own unique service.  But my own perspective of this service is a guided hand to listen to your individual concerns surrounding relationships and to offer some specific options to help resolve those issues and to stick by you until you get the results that you’re looking for.