Lauren McEachranRelationship Coach, Attract Love, Relationships, Law Of Attraction, Healthy Relationships

Listening to someone completely is one of the most important things you can do for them.  When we talk about listening, we really mean listening with your whole body, mind and heart.   Be completely present with the person and even communicate back to them what they have said in order to show that you understand.

Listening is particularly difficult if you are already upset with the other person, so remaining calm through all conversations is vital.  Also make sure you understand what they said fully, before it’s your turn to speak.

When having a conversation with your partner, listening to them fully involves putting yourself in their position of whatever it is that they are talking about.  Listening also requires strength, patience and self control.

Listening is not a simple skill to master, and it also shows how much we care about the other person.  If you’re in a relationship and you’re partner has had a crappy day, then they usually just enjoy someone listening to them while they get everything off their chest without even a solution being offered.

People in general enjoy talking about themselves anyway, so once you master the art of listening, you will then find it easy to make friends anywhere or to make a good impression for that first date, which then can progressl more importantly to creating a fulfilling long term relationship.

Here Are The Top 5 Tips For Listening ~

1. Watch their body language & facial expressions to observe what they like and dislike
2. Put yourself in their position of the conversation or story
3. Realize what they value most, as they will tend to talk most about this.  This can include their passions and goals.
4. What were they hesitant about during the conversation, realize their fears.
5. Creates empathy towards the other person so they will enjoy you being around more

You can learn so much from a person by just observing them and listening to them, so try it with your next conversation.  Do more listening than speaking and see how the other person feels or responds.

Have you ever met someone and been keen for a relationship with them, only to soon find out that they aren’t really the right person for you after all.  I’m sure we have all been in this situation.  Maybe even on  both sides of the fence.  This recently happened to a male friend of mine and he is currently baffled.  He met this girl at a friends party and they seemed to hit it off nicely.  He got her phone number and prompted to text her the next day, which then led on to wanting to meet up again for a drink.  She responded postively by saying that she was available on that day and keen to catch up.  With a few more messages of keen interest, he then tried to call her a couple of days before this date to confirm she was still available and there was no answer.  So he sent her a text message asking if she was still able to make their pre-arranged date and time.  No response.

How could someone sound so keen and then not reply at all?  Well, I asked him to put himself in her situaiton.  What may of caused her to no longer resond?  Maybe something happened to her or her phone?  Maybe she met someone else or her ex wanted her back and she didn’t want to hurt his feelings?  Maybe friends or family advised against it? 

No matter what the cause of not wanting to respond, I believe it’s always higher integrity to give some sort of response, than none at all.  Letting someone know that you are no longer interested allows them to move on with an answer.  They may be hurting from this response and may want more of a reason than the one you gave, but at least you politely told them you were no longer interested.

Or maybe you were interested, but you have better prospects that you want to try out first?  I’ve done this before too.  Even if you do have better prospects, that usually means that the particular person you will no longer respond too, wasn’t good enough for you in the first place because you are looking for something better.  Don’t ever settle for someone because you don’t think you could do any better.  You can have that amazing person to share a relationship with if you believe you deserve it.

Also, don’t forget the old karma of what goes around comes around.  So if you have ignored someone when you are no longer interested, that may come back to you with someone who you are interested in, and they become no longer interested in you.

Do you find yourself regularly asking more and more of your partner when you are in a relationship?

Do you find more things that they do everyday that seems to be annoying?

Do you tend to say more negative things about them then positive?

Do you criticize them often?

We all hate to be nagged at and criticizsed, especially considering women seem to do it more often to their man.  After you have been in a long term relationship for a while, a lot of couples tend to forget all the wonderful things that they do for each other and only get upset when something doesn’t get done or is done wrong.

Don’t be on autopilot, stop and look around to express gratitude to your partner for all the little things they do for you, the kids, animals, the house and maybe even your friends.  William James said it in his famous quote ~

“The deepest principle of human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”

Just saying thank you may not have such a lasting affect.  Whereas using touch when you say thank you, will have a more lasting affect as it will involve feeling as well.

We tend to blame the other person too easily without understanding all the facts about the situation first.  Also think about the main reason the mistake may have been made in the first place.  Maybe there was a misunderstanding, maybe they were following their own happiness or maybe they just did it because they thought it would make you happy.  Whatever the reason, make sure you completely understand where you partner is coming from without having to criticize.

I love this movie and I thought it would be a great reminder of what drives men away in a relationship.  This movie uses classic examples of how some women behave in the beginning of a relationship.

So the women who have trouble keeping  a relationship need to look at the habits they are currently in with men and if they want to break them so they can re-create new habits that will be beneficial for a long term relationship.

The movie “How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days” is a great romantic comedy expressing the common mistakes women make with men in relationships, especially in the beginning stage.  A lot of the acts that Andie (Kate Hudson) displays are obviously exaggerated, but women still need to understand the main points displayed in this movie.  I decided to go through these points as a reminder of what you may be doing now with men that you date and that you may not be unconsciously aware of it:

• Calling/texting him all the time
• Spending too much time with him too soon
• Complaining a lot, especially in a different tone of voice
• Bringing personal stuff of yours to his house too soon
• Tracking down his family to learn more about him
• Criticizing him and trying to change him
• Clingy, needy & using ‘baby talk’

This movie does explain it well what drives men away from women.  For those of you who haven’t seen it yet, check out the trailer to get an understanding of what it’s about ~

Fast Tube by Casper

Majority of Men prefer a woman who is:

• Independent
• easy going
• smiles easily
• Is already happy & doesn’t expect him to make her happy
• confident

These are just some examples of little things that can help you improve your dating experiences.  So with your next relationship, pay more attention to how you could be driving him away and remember “less means more” in the beginning.

The best way for women to improve their long term relationship immediately is to let their man know that they are grateful for every little thing he does for her.  Acknowledge and show him admiration when you see what he does so you can share with him the emotion you feel when you see him do something special or kind.

Another great thing you can do for a man is when he does compliment you, just say thank you.  Never ever disagree with a compliment that your man gives you.

Guys, whether a woman will say it or not, she does prefer a little romance.  A way of using this to improve your relationship is with compliments to her, and women thrive on compliments.  This doesn’t even have to cost you anything to let her know that she is special.

Other little things you can do for her which will make her feel special and loved can be a simple text message or note,  saying that you are thinking of her today and how she makes you feel.  Even picking flowers from a garden or the side of the road if you don’t want to spend money at a florist will do the same trick to add a little romance.

Another important issue with relationships is not to take each other for granted.  Make sure you tell each other when you see something nice has been done for you.  This also shows recognition of how you appreciate what the other person does that makes your relationship fulfilling and lasting.  Also don’t be afraid to involve touching them throughout the day if possible.  Holding hands, hugging, cuddling or even a soft touch on the cheek can show them love.

Also make sure you are aware of what your partner likes and enjoys doing the most so that you can help your partner make more time to do that.  We are most happy when we are doing what we love whether it be a hobby, sport or any other interest that excites us as it’s nourishing for the soul to keep learning and growing.

The smallest and simplest things can often make the biggest differences when done more frequently than big things for each other.  Be more attentive towards each other without keeping score.  Women need to learn to allow men to help and give more, without feeling like they have to do more in return.  This has primarily come from us being natural givers and nurturers from our mothering instincts, but you must allow the man to take care of you also.

Book review of The Complete Book of Rules ~ Time-tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr Right

Interesting book written by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider that really helps all women who have trouble maintaining a long term relationship.  I know myself that there are many rules in the book that I have broken myself.  It makes sense because when you’re not really interested in a guy, that’s when he chases you and when you are really interested, the you’re too available and he sees you as needy and too easy.  This book even outlines the reasons for the rules and why they work.

This book goes through 55 Rules that women need to stick by in order to have the man of their dreams chase and marry them.  It also includes the history behind them, success stories and making sure you are ready before you meet your handsome prince.

As listed on their website, the overall objective of the rules is to get the man to pursue the woman at all times, because even though men may not always admit it, but they prefer having to chase a woman rather than her being too easy.

If guys then become confused as to knowing if she really likes them because she is hard to get a hold of or book a future date with, well, you will be able to tell by the way she listens attentively, reciprocates the flirting and will be excited to hear from you or see you.

For example, being the kind, generous and giving person I am, I was happy to meet him half way, organize things for him, buy him things I knew he wanted or liked and try to help him change for the better.  But that’s not how guys like to be treated.  Men don’t want to be told what to do, how to act or what to wear.  Men want to be your hero, your knight in shining armour who can help you with things, spoil you, be attentive to you and treat you like a princess.  All you have to do is be a lady, confident, polite, kind and empathetic without gift giving (except for birthdays & Christmas) and busy with your own life so that you can allow him to chase you.

Don’t ever call! If he’s interested, he’ll call….I just finished reading The Rules. That is the best book ever

—KELLY ROWLAND Destiny’s Child (CosmoGIRL!)

The 7th & final point from the Recharge Your Relationship article is:

• Refocus on the main game

This means that your relationship with each other is the primary focus and priority.  Don’t let your partner come in 2nd to your work or job, there are ways and means to keep them feeling special and most important, even while you’re at work.

Appreciate and compliment your partner everyday.  Even when you have children, it’s still important to make a special time just for each other at least once a week.  If you find it hard to make time for each other because of children, just remember children grow up and move on, whereas you may want your partner to be around long after that.

An example of this can be like when you’re wanting to lose weight.  Going 1 day without eating your favourite candy bar isn’t going to help you lose weight, it’s doing a little bit every day like exercise and replacing those sugar and oily processed foods for a more healthy alternative.  So its the same with relationships, you work on it a little everyday so that you build up a bond together that will make it last.

This can include everyday little gifts, gestures, text messages that will make them smile.  Don’t over do it though and think of it as a competition where I gave more than you.  You will see each other giving little bits every day and just feeling grateful for each other for being thoughtful.  This also requires listening and paying close attention to what the other person likes and doesn’t like.  This will mean more than spending a lot on them for their birthday, so make sure you do something regular every day or every week.

This will build understanding of each other and more general happiness and gratitude towards each other.

Imagine getting a beautiful note like this from your beloved:

I found an interesting article called “Recharge Your Relationship” in a small magazine called Prevention, Australia.  I’d like to share and summarize what I read and how it can help you in the future.  It includes 7 points relating to your overall relationship and how you act and communicate with each other on a regular basis and how that effects your relationship long term.  The 1st point is:

• Accentuate the Positive

There are good and bad traits with every relationship and every one has their own perception of ups and downs.  It’s important to realize that positive acknowledgments towards each other despite arguments, are what keep you remembering how special the other person is regardless.

So giving compliments to each other when you notice they do something nice for you is really important, no matter how small the gesture is .  What’s also affective is a loving touch that goes with the compliment, because how you feel in the situation is remembered more than words.

So it’s suggested that for every negative interaction you have with each other, there should be a follow up of 5 positives ones.  This will help you remember that your relationship has more positive attributes than negatives which will help it to stay strong.

Next point coming soon…

Before you can be in that great relationship that you dream of and that you know you can have, there is something more important that you have to understand first.  You have to be truly happy within yourself.  A great book which I just read called “Happy For No Reason” by Marci Shimoff and is one of the most amazing books to help you in every area of your life.  If you are happy within, then everything else around you seems to effortlessly fall into place.

Marci was featured in the movie The Secret which opens our eyes more to the natural everyday law of the universe called the law of attraction.  Wikipedia defines the phrase, Law of Attraction as an “idea that thoughts influence chance”.  It also states that “the Law of Attraction argues that thoughts (both conscious and unconscious) can affect things outside the head, not just through motivation, but by other means.  The Law of Attraction says that which is like unto itself is drawn”.

Global Oneness puts it in a more basic understanding that the “Law of attraction says that all your thoughts, all images in your mind, and all the feelings connected to your thoughts will later manifest as your reality. In other words; everything you have in your life – now – has been attracted to you through your mind”.

So now that you know that everything around you has been attracted to you by your thoughts, focus and feelings, the first key to change is awareness.  Once you are aware how you think, you can then change your thoughts to more positive ones of what you actually do want in your life.

This can be difficult at first, because you have to look at people and things differently and in a positive way.  There is always something good happening around you; you’re just too busy focusing on what’s wrong.

When you change this, you will start to notice a difference.  The main thing to focus on is gratitude.  Being grateful for everything you have in your life right now.  The more you are grateful for, the more the universe will send you more things to be grateful for.

I’m going to do a brief review of each chapter of Marci’s book on Happy For No Reason, so here is a quote from the book which also gives you a break down of what’s contained in the book:

“Many books on happiness just focus on the mind, but if you don’t also address your habitual behaviour in the other areas of your life, you won’t experience true happiness.  Here’s an overview of the steps:

1. The Foundation – Take Ownership of Your Happiness
2. The Pillar of the Mind – Don’t Believe Everything You Think
3. The Pillar of the Heart – Let Love Lead
4. The Pillar of the Body – Make Your Cells Happy
5. The Pillar of the Soul – Plug Yourself In to Spirit
6. The Roof – Live a Life Inspired by Purpose
7. The Garden – Cultivate Nourishing Relationships”

I will do a short separate review on each other those chapters every few days to give you more insight into finding that deep happy state.  But I do suggest reading the book in its entirety when you get the chance and I will finish with a quote:

“Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence” – Aristotle