Lauren McEachranRelationship Coach, Attract Love, Relationships, Law Of Attraction, Healthy Relationships

Have you ever heard relationship coach’s and experts tell you to “be yourself” at all times, especially when you are dating?

There are a lot of girls in-particularly who change to suit what the guy likes or don’t speak up when something hurts them about what he has said or done.  This can back fire on you later as I learned myself as well.  It happened to me with an ex and I just wanted to make him happy so I would keep my mouth shut even though he made excuses not to see me because he was working a lot.

It eventually builds up in you and you explode like I did too when we finally were heading away together.  I just started yelling and crying about how we never went away cause he was always working, even though that’s what we were doing at that moment.  So speak up in the beginning and find out what their values and passions are.  Because if they don’t value the relationship, you won’t be in the top priorities.

This is very important and related to the topic as well.  Being yourself also requires you to love who you are as a person.  When the right person comes along, they will fall in love with you for being you.  Then you don’t have to watch what you say or do in case they won’t like it cause they like you for you.  They will also understand or learn to understand why you do certain things or say certain things.  So stay true to your beliefs and values if they are serving you well and it feels good inside to follow them.

Being yourself also doesn’t mean not to change at all, as we all grow, learn and change as we get older.  Especially when we are wanting to learn to be better.

So stay true to yourself and be yourself!

What do you do when your “ex” calls or you feel like calling your “ex”?

Is it a good idea to stay in contact with an ex?  Would you allow them to be just friends?  Would you date them again?

I’m sure most of us have had an ex at one point or another.  After the process of breaking up, sometimes they come back into our lives or ask if they can remain friends.  There has been a few debates about ex’s and whether to stay in contact with them or not.

In my experience, remaining friends with an ex hasn’t helped me much.  If I did the breaking, then they would try and get back with me even though I said I just wanted to be friends.  If they did the breaking, it hurt too much to spend time with them as I was constantly thinking of how to get them back.  I guess it would work if you were both mutually agreeing not to get back together, but wanted to remain friends to share family (if a child is involved), business activities or interests.

I have found that cutting all ties has worked best for me.  This means getting rid of anything that they gave you during the relationship and even anything that reminds you of them.  This has also needed to be the case because when it comes down to it, we didn’t really have much in common anyway.  So I have learned a lot of lessons from my ex’s about who to date in the future and not to get caught up in infatuation or lust which wears off eventually.  It’s important to have chemistry though for it to work, but not just chemistry alone.  As Dr. John Gray states that “there will need to be compatibility and chemistry”.  He also shares that there are 4 types of Chemistry that are all important to have for a long term relationship.  There is Emotional Chemistry, Mental Chemistry, Physical Chemistry & Soul Chemistry (Soulmate).  I might do the next blog going into more detail about this.

So if you do have “ex” enquiries or concerns, then depending on your situation, you will need to re-evaluate whether you were right for each other in the first place.  Lovetalklounge did some great interviews with a variety of relationship experts about whether or not its good to keep in contact with your ex.  Here are some of the videos:

httpv://youtu.be/vzfxpb87t9I

Is It Healthy To Hang Out With Your Ex – Farhana Dhalla

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=veSACDsy2Os

Is It Healthy To Hang Out With Your Ex – Mali & Joe

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o__ClzgxsTI&feature=related

Is It Healthy To Hang Out With Your Ex – Barry Selby

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjL2TdXweso&feature=related

Is It Healthy To Hang Out With Your Ex – Liesel Rigsby

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1j0GkERdR-w&feature=related

Is It Healthy To Hang Out With Your Ex – Stephen Garrett

When I was listening to Joe Vitale’s audio The Attractor Factor, he mentions a quicker way to go through all the steps of the attractor factor.  His answer for this is “Be Happy Now”.  He also says sarcastically, that this is a little secret which he doesn’t want to share, but I thought it was important, especially in regard to relationships where we tend to get so stressed out over little things.

If you were to look around you right now & find something to smile about, wouldn’t your life seem beautiful?  The harder you look for things to smile about, the more you will find things to smile about.

This is where I find appreciation comes into it.  Appreciation of everything you have, your family, friends, resources, facilities and even yourself for who you are.  For being kind and generous to others which spreads because others are then inclined to do for others as well.

This can start a chain reaction that not only affects your partner or even potential future partner, but people will enjoy being around you more and you will attract more loving people and things into your life.

Life is beautiful and amazing if you choose now for it to be!

Well, I’m sure there is a time in your life where you have been through a lot of hurt.  I know I have, and when I feel hurt especially in a relationship, I get so sick in the stomach that I can’t eat.  How silly is that?  Allowing actions and words of another person (partner), to influence your  feelings at a particular point in time.  I guess I don’t think of that when its happening, only later through wanting to learn how to get rid of that pain inside; why it happened? and what to do about it?

What I have realized over the years, is to control the amount of hurt that I feel from others.  It’s only the thoughts which we keep repeating in our head which allows the hurt to linger.  So if you learn to change those thoughts, then you also change those feelings.

I had a breakthrough experience myself when I was searching youtube.com on “EFT hurt” to find answers through EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) for relief from pain I was feeling on being hurt from a relationship.  The “Faster EFT for Difficult Relationships & Hurt Feelings” was my first selection.   He went through the process quite quickly and mainly talked about why that happens so I didn’t find it that beneficial to me.  Whereas when I found the EFT video by Brad Yates on Rejection and Abandonment and followed him tapping and repeating what he was saying, I realized why I felt rejected.  I won’t bore you with my story, but it involved very hurtful experiences that happened to me during my older primary school years.

From that realization that I had, I decided to change the way I look at it and forgive all involved.  So even just finding the reason why I keep creating rejection and abandonment in my life, this can hopefully give everyone a better understanding as to why it happens and what we can do about it to make it better.

Here is the video that I tapped along to, on Rejection & Abandonment:

Fast Tube by Casper

Here is another good EFT Video on Pain:

Fast Tube by Casper

Valentine’s Day is coming up and I was thinking of all the different types of flowers and their colours, and what the symbolic meanings are.  So I’ve done a little research to help the guys, and maybe the girls too, with what flowers are suitable for your situation on Valentine’s Day.  First, I’m going to look into all the main flower colours and what they mean.

The Symbol of Flower Colours:

Blue ~ Here is a picture of me next to some hydrangeas that I found in Tokyo.  Aren’t the colours just a beautiful blue.  This colour or even a deep blue of an iris is known to be calming and peaceful.   So if you are known to be a worry-wort, then this colour will let you feel openness and serenity.  These flowers can also offer relief from those who are anxious.  These can be purchased separately or in an arrangement with other flowers.

Pink ~ Pink has been known to represent grace, gentility, and happiness. There are many different varieties of flowers that are of this colour and it doesn’t matter which shape they come in.  Regardless of the shape of the flower, whether a small rose bud or the open petals of a pink camellia in full bloom.  These beautiful variable pink blossoms symbolize youth, innocence, and joy.

Purple ~ Purple flowers can be traced back where they were originally shown as representing royalty and ceremonial displays.  Purple flowers have also been tied to the representation of dignity, pride and success.  Depending on the purpose, this colour flower is outstanding both on its own or filled in a bouquet or arrangement of mixed colours.  If you prefer to mix this colour with others, it will create an appealing contrast and depth.Any arrangement assorted with purple flowers will portray a symbol of achievement and admiration.

Red ~ Red flowers contain that unbelieveable energy of love by making a definative statement.  This energy linked to these gorgeous red roses colaborates into an essense of desire, strength and passion.  There is no disputing the this colour which is so strongly associated as a symbol of love all around the world with just about any object.  But seen in the flower form, gives it more beauty with a statement of appreciation for the person who receives it.  There is no denying how much someone loves you when you receive red roses.

White ~ White flowers represent simple beauty, innocence, humility and admiration.  It is also known to have a sense of holiness and purity about it.  White on its own symbolizes wholeness, openness, truth and kindness.  Its overall presense is also very elegant, which is why it is mainly used in conjuction with weddings and parties.  White flowers mixed with other colours helps to define the other coloured flowers within the arrangement, but if white is still the primary colour, then it maintains its elegance, purity and innocence.

Yellow ~ Yellow flowers are that bright happy colour that will give you great feelings of joy and lightheartedness.  Doesn’t this colour just bring a smile to face and light you up inside. This vibrant colour coloberated into a bouquet is also known as a symbol of friendship.  You can also send an arrangement of yellow flowers  to represent a message of new beginnings and happiness.

Orange ~ With orange flowers being close to the red passionate colour, an orange arrangement also makes a bold statement about passion for life.  These orange blooms are known for their symbol of energy, enthusiasm and warmth.  They are also known to portray confidence, pride and strong will.

Green ~ As the main representational colour of nature, green flowers are a statement of perfect harmony in both individual arrangements or mixed with a variety of other colours.  In relation to nature, patience is the ultimate aspect of this colour, as nature grows flowers at the slow and steady pace of perfection.  These green flowers are the perfect complement to any other arrangement.  On their own, they portray a life of good health, strong will, fortune and youth with an overall message of being renewed and having positivity.

Lavender ~ This colour speaks of femininity, unlike it’s close relative of the purple.  Being a mixture of the purple and pink flower colours, it spells refinement, grace and elegance.  Violet flowers are also very delicate and precious with much beauty, holding an almost sacred place in nature.

Of all the successful long term relationships that I know of, whether from close friends or from famous people, they all have one thing in common =  Their partner is also their best friend.

So, what does it mean to have a best friend:

Someone you communicate with very well?

Someone you tell all of your hopes and dreams to, as well as someone who supports you during the tough times?

You have similar interests?

Someone who will be there for you no matter what?

Someone who loves you just the way you are?

Someone who will never critisize you or put you down?

Someone you can rely on all the time?

So this got me thinking that if you had a partner who was your best friend, the chances of you staying together long term is very likely.  This is where a relationship means more than just infatuation, more than lust, more than just being addicted to the other person.  This is where the connection really takes place between the two of you.

You feel comfortable talking to them about ANYTHING that is on your mind cause you know that they will understand.  Best friends are someone we can trust, someone who will not judge you or talk negatively about you.  They become one of the most important people in your life and help you to become the person you really want to be.

“From the Emmy nominated series, Song of Songs, comes the feature film – “How Will We Love?“.   This documentary explores romantic love, relationships, and the challenges and rewards of long term commitment”.

Fast Tube by Casper

Some important quotes & realizations from the movie include:

“Only 50% of the relationship is based on love, the rest includes:  Shared values & communication – loving, teamwork, give up the need to be right”

“I often see a relationship as a mirror in which we see ourselves & sometimes what we can’t accept in another person, is something we can’t accept within ourselves”

This person in which you are in a relationship with, has come to teach you what it is to love, despite the challenges.

How are you feeling right now?

Did you know that you can create a loving feeling right now if you choose to?

‘Choose to feel loving now ~ to attract more love to you’

Every feeling we create within ourselves is a choice.  But we usually choose that feeling depending on an outside circumstance.  This is usually caused by what other people do or say to create whatever current feeling you are feeling.

You have a variety of feelings for a good reason and they all benefit you in knowing what feels right, and what feels wrong to you as a unique individual.  This then leads on to you understanding yourself better as to what you like and dislike.  In other words, what feels good to you, and what feels wrong.  The main controller of these feelings that you create within yourself everyday, is from your thoughts of what you tell yourself.

A feeling is only brought about after a thought that you have had.  So if you could control your thoughts on being more happy and positive, then you would be able to change your feelings to being more happy and positive too, which will also lead to having more energy.

Fear is at the top of all negative feelings and Love is at the top of all positive feelings.

Some negative feelings can include; blame, jealously, anger, resentment and depression.  Some positive feelings can include; kindness, excitement, hopeful, friendliness and courage.  So whenever you are feeling a particular negative feeling, if you think about it, the end result of that feeling will be fear.  When you are feeling a positive feeling, the end result of that feeling is love.

Our feelings are a strong representation of how we interpret the outside circumstances of our lives from the thoughts that we think.  Majority of your negative feelings around fear are created before the event has even happened.

Most people are brought up to believe and expect the worst of every outcome, to help prevent you from being disappointed.  When really, if you were positive about it in the beginning, things may have worked out in a more positive way.

If you consistently believe that the outcome you are expecting, is going to be positive, then you will naturally create feelings of excitement that it will happen.  Then from believing that the outcome has already happened the way you want it to, you will naturally have happier feelings and thoughts surrounding it.

This is where it gets difficult for many people, as they have trouble holding those positive and happy thoughts before the event takes place.  So this means that the outcome will vary, depending on how long you hold onto those positive thoughts and feelings for.

This concept may be hard for a lot of people to understand, but the universe creates what we want in our lives, in alignment with our thoughts, focus and feelings on that outcome.

This is a quick video that demonstrates this, of how you can change your current reality:

Fast Tube by Casper

Has there been times throughout your life where you have been feeling stuck or lost?  This can even lead to you feeling depressed as you may not feel like you are accomplishing anything at that point in time or you may feel like you are going around in circles. 

These feelings may be even more intense when you are involved in a relationship where you don’t want to put extra pressure on the other person by telling them how you feel.  You should be able to talk to your partner about anything and having that support through all circumstances in your life will help you get through, even if they just listen. 

So if you have a partner, the first thing to do is to let them know how you are feeling and that you want to look at options available that can help to change this frustrating feeling and that you will appreciate any form of support that they can offer.

So, feeling stuck or lost can mean a few things.  Some I can suggest may include: not knowing what you want in some aspect of your life; not having enough clarity; not knowing how to get what you want; or doing something which isn’t aligned with your highest values.

Don’t be afraid to go for your dreams because of what other people may think or tell you ~

Fast Tube by Casper

Having these uncomfortable feelings of confusion just means that you have nothing that you are currently aiming for or working towards.  We were created to be able to continually grow, learn to keep being better, learn and expand our knowledge and experiences.  We are constantly evolving which is why we keep growing, so it is only human nature to keep wanting to expand ourselves emotionally, spiritually and mentally.

We all have variable passions, interests and values which alters the direction of what you choose to learn or what grabs your attention & keeps you excited.  This is very important to pay attention to because if you are no longer excited about what you are learning, then you will create this feeling of being stuck or lost.

Some suggestions to dissolve this feeling includes:

• taking some time out for yourself to sit down & write out what you really want while being as specific as you can, despite how crazy it may sound
• getting involved in nature like a walk in a rainforest or on a beach
• clearing any clutter around the house that you keep putting off
• do something you have always wanted to do or at least start to budget & make time for it
• travel to a new place
• take up a new sport or interest that you are passionate about
• become involved in a charity – giving and doing for others creates a sense of fulfillment

Feeling lost or stuck in some part of your life will create negative feelings within you that you can change immediately with new thoughts.  Everything that we do everyday starts with our thoughts before any action or feelings can follow from that.   So you can make a choice to no longer feel lost or stuck, but I’d suggest to start by taking some time out for yourself to sit down & make a list of all the things that you are interested in or have wanted to do in your life no matter how small, insignificant or crazy they may seem.  You don’t have to show the list to anyone, its for your own personal use.  Feel free to go back to this list as often as you want during the day and in the future and add to it when you think of something else.

“Anything that you give your attention to will become your “truth”… The Law of attraction says that it must. Your life and everyone else’s too is but a reflection of the predominance of your thoughts. There is no exception to this.  Your life experience is unfolding in the precise response to the vibrations that radiate as a result of your thoughts, whether you know it is or not.”

Esther Hicks

You may also have a conflict of goals and values where you are trying to fulfill something for someone else, rather than follow your own heart and intuition.  This has caused myself to feel stuck and lost quite often because I enjoyed doing things for other people more than for myself.  This is where you may also need to learn to say no to people’s requests and put yourself first for a change.

There are support groups out there who can help you follow your dreams and even offer advice.  A great place to find these that I can recommend is http://www.meetup.com where you select groups from your current interests and or passions as the people I have met through these are amazing.

Another great recommendation is Speed Manifesting where Lori Mitchell is a Success Coach as well as a published author who teaches you how to use the law of attraction to create whatever you want in your life.  Her website includes a lot of free information as well.

No relationship is constant happiness.  We all have experiences where we disagree with each other, take what someone says too personally, get angry about something that the other person did or said that we didn’t like, or even just assume someone doesn’t like us for whatever reason? etc.

There are many circumstances which can lead to you having your feelings hurt in a relationship.  These feelings of hurt are going to happen regardless of who it’s with because they are there to help us learn, grow and understand ourselves and others more.

You may also be putting a lot of pressure on yourself in the beginning of a relationship with how you think the relationship is meant to be?

Everybody will hurt in a relationship at one point or another, the choice is with how we handle it.  You also need to look at it from a freedom point of view where you are allowing the other person to have freedom of choice with what feels good to them.  Allowing someone to be free also means that you love them unconditionally, and this is so powerful to create.  This will also bring more loving people into your life because you will no longer be judging anyone, as you will love them for their own unique opinions and decisions.

A lot of upset can be avoided when we stop assuming negative thoughts about other people.  For example, he hasn’t called because he didn’t think I was pretty enough?  That is just a negative thought created from lack of self love.  He may think you’re beautiful, but noticed the things that you like and enjoy weren’t aligned with his?

Most of these feelings are created from within your own mind because you believe that things haven’t gone the way you expected.  So feeling hurt in the relationship just means that you are allowing the power of the other persons words and actions to affect how you feel. 

Just think about that for a moment… 

That is a powerful statement that gives us complete control over every feeling that we have.

Being able to feel these feelings is how you know what feels right and wrong to you as an individual.  The benefits of you having these feelings can include:

* Understanding what you want and what you don’t want. 

* Which words and actions that you do and say, as well as what others say to you that feel good and which ones don’t.

* Helping you to learn and grow by communicating your needs and feelings to other people.

* Listening to other peoples needs and feelings so that they understand that you love them unconditionally and that they have freedom of choice.

* Learning to work together in a harmonious relationship with others ~ your goal?

A great way to handle these feelings is to walk away if it’s a conflict and communicate again when both of you are calm and thinking rationally.  If you feel tight or upset in the stomach, just stop what you are doing and focus on that feeling and think about why you are feeling that feeling without jumping to conclusions.  So once you have identified why you were feeling that feeling, you can then process the cause of that feeling differently from a loving and allowing freedom point of view.

Continually lingering on that feeling over long periods of time will only create circumstances around you that will cause more of that feeling.  So it’s important to become aware of your thoughts that control these feelings and how negative they might be at that moment.  How can you turn them to positive thoughts? 

So in order to take your focus away from these hurtful feelings, a great distraction is to see and think about things around you that you are truly grateful for.  Being in a feeling of appreciation and gratitude helps us to create more things into your life for you to be grateful for.  

Going for a walk and concentrating on the beauty of nature around you is another great technique for taking your mind off of those uncomfortable feelings.  You can also think of happy moments in the past that will help create a joyous feeling inside of you again.  Reading a book, listening to music/audios, or watching a movie is known to help take your mind off those feelings too.  I prefer to meditate on those feelings if I have time, and then visualize a harmonious end result for all involved.

The trick though is to be able to stop any negative thoughts that you are thinking before you think more of those similar negative thoughts.  This will create more control over your feelings in the long term as well.