Lauren McEachranRelationship Coach, Attract Love, Relationships, Law Of Attraction, Healthy Relationships

The 4th Online Dating Email Tip is:

Be Positive

This means avoiding conversations about past relationships, as I’m sure you wouldn’t want to hear their sad breakup stories either.  Being able to go into detail about this and tell each other everything comes much later.  Would you want to listen to how someone you are interested in was hurt so much in the past?  An example of this was with someone I interacted with online who kept reminding me of girls he had met who had wasted his time.  This got to the point where he would continually remind me that he didn’t want someone like that, over and over again.

We have nearly all been hurt in the past with a previous relationship, but this doesn’t mean it’s going to be the same with a new relationship.  So just focus on a new beginning instead of thinking that this new person is going to be just like all the others.

Also when you start a new love relationship or any relationship for that matter, maintain this positivity.  Isn’t it more supportive and encouraging to be around and to talk to someone who looks on the brighter side of life quite often.  Doesn’t it feel better to be around that type of person, then one that complains all the time.

Remember conversations you had with friends about the problems in their lives?  After feeling sympathetic and wanting to help by offering solutions, you would find them still complaining and doing nothing about it.  Every feeling that we feel, has come from the choices we make.  These feelings can’t be dictated by someone else’s words. You choose how these words make you feel, which may be hard at first, but with practice you will understand your feelings better and why they’re important to control.  It then becomes natural to choose better thoughts which will in turn create better feelings.

Inside of us, we have a collection of thoughts, beliefs, images, and a focus of how we see ourselves and what we expect to happen from other people and the world around us.  Everything which is consumed within us, also radiates from us to attract back to us that which is within.  This is again related back to the Law of Attraction which shows that we can’t get love until we give it.

A great definition of the Law of Attraction that I just found, was written from Brian Tracy’s Newsletter.  It says that “the law of attraction says that you are a living magnet… That your thoughts create a force field of energy that radiates out from you and attracts back into your life people and circumstances in harmony with them. Any thought you have, combined with an emotion, positive or negative, radiates out from you and attracts back into your life the people, circumstances, ideas, and opportunities consistent with it”.

This is where I would also like to include the Law of Correspondence, also know as the ‘Law of Similarity’.  Lori Mitchell from Speed Manifesting includes a list of all the laws of the universe on her website.  So this law is a mental law which is more powerful than most of us realize or believe.  It basically means “as within, so without”.  This means that everything which is happening around you and to you is a reflection of what is going on inside of you with thoughts, beliefs and focus.  So it’s called the Law of Correspondence because everything that happens outside of you corresponds to something that’s going on inside of you.  So your outer world is a reflection of your inner world at both a conscious and subconscious level.

Using the Law of Correspondence in relation to your relationships can allow you to see the bigger picture of you who you really are.  Your relationships around you will always mirror back to you precisely who you are as a person.  So if you are having difficulty with negative thoughts in an area of your life, then you may be having difficulty with your partner as well.  If you are easily upset and angry by nature, then you will find yourself attracting those similar people to you in all circumstances.  If you are always lacking in finances, you may find your partner, or friends around you will be the same.

So make sure you are happy as you are as a person.  That you respond to things how you would like someone else to respond to them or you.  I’ve always felt very blessed for the people I meet everyday, as well as my close friends who are around me often.  I find myself meeting other kind and caring people and it’s such an amazing feeling to know that you attract them to you everyday.

So today, do you feel like you are lacking in love?  Just remember ~ Love is a reflection, so you need to distribute more love towards others and it will come back to you ten fold.  This can include loving actions, thoughts and gestures.  They don’t even have to be towards someone you know, as strangers can appreciate love as well.  So start sharing some love and watch the people around you also become more loving.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the term manifesting, some definitions include:

Your Dictionary ~ “An indication of the existence, reality or presence of something”.  “One of the forms in which someone or something, such as a person, a divine being, or an idea is revealed”.

Merriam Webster Online Dictionary ~ “To make evident or certain by showing or displaying”.

So basically manifesting means using the law of attraction to bring into our reality, something that we want.  So imagine how beneficial and significant this would be to learn to incorporate into your whole life, not just your relationships.  Using manifesting with speed = Speed Manifesting.

So I’m going to do a quick book review on and include some of my experiences from using the techniques from the book Speed Manifesting, written by my good friend Lori Mitchell.  Here is an introduction to her and what she’s about:

Fast Tube by Casper

In the book, Lori starts with our beliefs and how they control majority of our lives around us.  I touched on this with the blog Do You Believe In Love?  Beliefs are formed through our experiences from growing up, as well as from other people around us who we respect and take on their beliefs.  Beliefs become deeper set within our subconscious until they form our reality.  We can change our beliefs once we know how and Lori gives great examples of this in her book.

She also relates beliefs to the Universal Laws which are unbreakable, but how we can work them together to still create what we want.  She also lists all the Universal Laws in which some I didn’t even know about myself.  Even just reading these and understanding their purpose, can help you to use them to your advantage throughout your life.

In order to have fulfillment in every area of your life, Lori then talks about balance.  Before we start using Speed Manifesting, we have to observe each area of our lives which is distributed into four categories including Money, Others, Nature and Self.  Do you have balance in each of these areas of your life?  Lori talks about how to achieve fulfillment and happiness in each of these areas and why it’s important.

After you have analyzed some of the blockages, then comes the most exciting part which is her famous “7 Steps To Abundance” stage which also explains how speed can be incorporated into our manifesting process of bringing about all that we desire.

Step 1.  Know What You Want

Step 2. Imagine With Emotion

Step 3. Feel Gratitude

Step 4. Think Deliberately

Step 5. Power & Poison of Words

Step 6. Take Action

Step 7. Start Circulation

Getting specific on what you want in life, is what allows the universe to bring it to you.  Every time I got specific on what I wanted, I saw it manifest into my life easily after applying the other 6 steps.  One example is when I was looking for a unit to rent and within the time frame, it appeared.

Just recently I made a small costly mistake at work, so I went through the Speed Manifesting steps.  The following day, my friend rang me to tell me it had been found and all was good.

I also got this job that I have because I used the these techniques.  I initially wanted more money, but then when I was asked what I wanted the money for, I said I wanted to do more adventurous things like Parasailing (which I’m doing next week), Hot Air Ballooning, Jet Boating, Boat Cruises, Shows, Kayaking (all which I have now done).  The universe ended up delivering them all to me for free as part of my current part time job.

I encourage you to sign up for her FREE 7 Day Video Course which teaches you so much about this process so you can start getting results immediately.  I also highly recommend her book Speed Manifesting, as it has opened my life to the possibilities of being able to create anything I want.

Lori states that “manifesting is natural.  We are born with the desire to create, we know how to ask, but we forget how to allow and accept”.

“Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.” ~ John Quincy Adams

Isn’t it funny in today’s day and age how we want things brought to us quicker and quicker.  There have been new technologies created to bring us new things quicker and cheaper, but has it created unwanted incidents because we are now lacking in patience?

We forget about how important patience is in creating an amazing relationship & also being able to sustain it.  So it doesn’t matter what stage of the relationship you are in, patience will always benefit you long term.

Why do you think it is that when we want things to happen quickly, they never seem to, but when you relax and let it go, everything falls into place?

How about when you meet someone special for the first time and the relationship is in the beginning stage?  You enjoy talking to them, spending time with them, and can’t wait to see or hear from them again.  This is where patience is an absolute virtue.  Trying to rush it and seeing too much of each other too soon has the tendency to back fire.  You spend less time with friends and family and spend too much time thinking about this new relationship and going through all the good and bad points and whether you think it’s going to last.  Patience needs to come into it by giving you space to continue doing what you love and to allow the relationship to flourish with time.

Using patience to get to know the other person, also let’s the maturity of knowing if they are most suitable to you, take affect, without just the passion and excitement take over.  Use patience to continue doing what you normally do and think of the other person as an added bonus.

If you are already in a long term relationship or marriage, patience is just as important.  It allows disagreements to be fully heard and understood.  Patience stops you from saying things that you don’t mean in the heat of the moment.

Being patient during these conversations requires pausing between statements to gather your thoughts.  If you feel yourself getting angry, simply take a deep breathe and try to relax.  Even just walking away when you feel a trigger of your impatience will help.  When it’s the other person’s turn to speak, be patient and listen attentively without interrupting.  Refer back to my Top 5 Tips of Powerful Listening to understand the full benefits of patience and listening.

Awareness is the key to any change within ourselves, so as soon as you become aware that you are impatient, then you have the power to change it.  A little tip may be to wear a rubber band around your wrist and slap yourself with it every time you are impatient.  Or if you can’t handle that pain as a reminder, even just forcing yourself to take a deep breath when you realize your impatient, will cause a change in habit.

Always start out small with change until you get better at your new habit.  A great quote from the book ‘Take Your Time…Finding Balance In A Hurried World’ by Eknath Easwaran ~

“Most relationships begin to fall apart through disagreements, and disagreements are not settled by argumentation and logic. They are resolved — or, more accurately, dissolved — through patience. Without patience you start retaliating, and the other person gets more upset and retaliates too. Instead of retaliating with a curt reply, slow down and refrain from answering immediately. As soon as you can manage it, try a smile and a sympathetic word”.

Definition: “A belief is a thought we hold and deeply trust about something. Beliefs tend to be buried deep within the subconscious with the result that they trigger automatic reactions and behaviors. We seldom question beliefs; we hold them to be truths”.  (suite101.com)

What do you believe about yourself?

What do you believe about relationships?

What do you believe about men in general?

What do you believe about women in general?

What do you believe about love?

Is what you believe about all this turning out to be true?

How did you create these beliefs?

What if you could change these beliefs into positive empowering ones?

Many of our beliefs were formed while we were young, usually by watching how our elders would behave, act and communicate.  How is this affecting you today?  Do you find yourself copying a parent or guardian?

Is a belief holding you back and you have no hard substantial evidence to support it?  If yes, then you have the freedom right now to change that belief to something that will help and empower you.

Beliefs can change when you decide you want a new one and you write down what belief the new one will replace.  Once you have become aware that you now want a new belief, then your old habit patters may start to change a little.  The first step to change is awareness.  Beliefs won’t change overnight, but if you want them to change, then you have to change your habits of thought and actions as well to support the new belief.

Expand your consciousness to notice all that is love around you, you may be surprised at how much there actually is.  Believe that you already have love, because you do, you just may not know it yet.

When you meet someone new, you get excited to learn as much as you can about them as quickly as possible.  You usually want to talk to them everyday and see them as often as you can.  This really isn’t healthy for either of you.  Contacting each other too much too soon can take away the mystery as well as create resentment when you cancel your usual plans in order to spend more time getting to know them quickly.  Then when the relationship doesn’t work out, you realize that you missed out on things that were important to you.

This is the same for online dating.  When you first get a reply from a person you are particularly interested in, take your time to reply and don’t give them your number straight away.  Reply to emails about every 2nd day, unless you’re really busy and have to make it longer on occasions.  Don’t reveal too much of yourself too soon, remain a little mysterious with short answers to questions.

Keep yourself busy so you don’t think about them too much and get distracted from the rest of your life.  If you get the urge to ring them, ring a friend or family member instead.  Take your time to get to know this other person, without interrupting and dismissing your current life.

Initial attraction is important, but you also have to recognize what is going to keep you together for the long term.  Do they have the same values as you in life?  Don’t be dishonest with them just so that they will see you as perfect.  You can still be yourself while remaining polite and respectful.

If you’re ever feeling like you have to hide a certain side of you because you don’t think they will approve, then the relationship will have troubles later on.  The longer you are with someone before being completely honest with who you are, the more it will hurt the both of you later on.  So make sure you are honest at all times from the beginning.

1. Dress appropriately – neat, tidy, smelling nice, hair groomed, nails filed, don’t go overboard with makeup, avoid tight clothing & clothing that is too short.
2. Smile often – this will show that you’re easy going and happy to be with that person, which will help them relax
3. Be polite – say please, thank you, guys wait for the lady to be seated, open car doors and front doors for the lady first, listen attentively without interrupting
4. Ladies, be mysterious, don’t talk too much and reveal too much of yourself too soon.  This includes talking about past relationships, problems in your life, your family or friends.  Keep the conversation light and try to be unique.  Avoid asking him what he does for a living or what car he drives = can you support me (put yourself in his shoes).  Allow him to ask the questions and do most of the talking.  Conversation topics can include travel, politics, movies, sports, etc.
5. Be confident, happy within yourself and happy about your life.  Know that you are an amazing person and they will either like you for who you are, or not.
6. End the date first, keep him wanting more of you, but be polite about it.
7. If he is interested, he will call you.  Don’t make excuses as to why he doesn’t call, just move on.

Is your relationship with yourself affecting your relationship with others?  Are you happy with the person you are?  Are you happy with how you look after yourself?  Are you happy with your current career & lifestyle choices?  Are you happy with the way you talk and treat others?

The universe mirrors people and circumstances in relation to what’s going on inside yourself, even if it’s unconscious.  So when you find yourself being critical of others, it usually means you’re quite critical of yourself.

This is where it’s important to remember that you are unique, there is no one else quite like you and there is so much you have to offer the world with people that you meet everyday.  When you are happy within your own life, that happiness radiates from you onto others whether you are conscious of it or not.

It’s been scientifically proven now that we have approximately 60,000 thoughts everyday going on in our head, and the majority of those are unconscious.  So imagine if you became more aware of your thoughts and were able to control them and change them to what you want to think about.  We now know that we do get what we think about, so if you are constantly saying negative things about yourself, then that’s how other people will see you.

So from now on, sit, stand and walk tall feeling confident that you are special and here in this universe for a reason.  You are helping people everyday whether you are aware of that too or not.  Even a simple smile at another person can help them uplift their day.

So let’s now change your thoughts to more empowering ones including I am a genius, I love and accept myself as I am, I have a great memory, I am amazing at everything I do, I am highly creative.  The list you can create for positive thoughts can be endless.  Make notes of these new thoughts you want to create and stick them somewhere where you can see them often like in a diary.  I even heard the story of a lady who wears an elastic rubber band and every time she says a negative thought about herself or others, she snaps it on her herself as a reminder.

One of the hardest things for many people to do is to look at themselves in the mirror and say ‘I love you’.  Try it today and smile when you do it

When most people think of soul mates, they also think it’s ‘someone who will be with you for your whole life’, ‘your spiritual partner’, ‘life partner’, ‘other spiritual half’.

Paul Fenton-Smith from the book ‘Finding Your Soul Mate’ states that “Soul mates are people whose life paths are shared for a period of time, to learn spiritual lessons.  Soul mates can be friends, lovers, family members or business partners.  Confirmation of a soul-mate friendship or love relationship may be found in the intensity of that relationship from the start, or in the inner knowledge that destiny had a hand in bringing you together”.

Most people dream of their soul mate being some one who completes them, supports them and who loves them unconditionally.  We have come to know this term as also a  life partner who will be with us until our time here is up.  Spiritual people who work with hypnosis and past life regression have found that a ‘soul mate’ can be of any gender, age, nationality or cultural background who has shared a previous life with you.

Paul also states that a soul mate “is someone who shares a part of your soul’s journey toward spiritual enlightenment or understanding”.  So a soul mate experience may be when you meet someone for the first time and it feels like you know each other or you have met before.  That is usually the souls recognizing each other from previous lives and depending what feelings come up inside you during the time of meeting, as to whether you had a good past life experience with them or a bad one.

Can a soul mate really be half of your soul?

There is an ancient myth surrounding that possibility, but we still each have our own sets of feelings and emotions so even if you do attract a soul mate, it won’t be completely smooth sailing.  As long as you continue to learn and grow as a person and your soul mate allows you to do that and supports you, then it will still be an amazing relationship with much happiness.  A soul mate relationship shouldn’t be a fantasy relationship where you always agree on everything, or that might become boring for you both.  So allow disagreements,  arguments and accepting that your partner has a different point of view.

Here is a popular poem I found that explains in a beautiful way, what a soul mate is believed to be:

What is a Soul Mate?

If you have found a smile
that is the sweetest one you’ve known,
If you have heard, within a voice,
the echoes of your own,
If you have felt a touch
that stirs the longings of your heart,
And still can feel that closeness
in the moments you’re apart,
If you have filled with wonder
at the way two lives can blend
To weave a perfect pattern
that is seamless, end to end,
If you believe some things in life
are simply meant to be,
Then you have found your soul mate,
your heart’s own destiny.

~Emily Matthews

I believe personally that we can have many soul mates from previous lives who will come and go throughout our life here.  Most of them here to teach us a lesson or to help us learn and grow.  But the only way to attract that ideal partner that we feel would be most suited to us is to put in an order to the universe and trust that they will be delivered when you are ready to receive them.

I would love to hear other peoples comments on what they believe a soul mate is or even if they exist, so please leave a comment at the bottom of this blog.

How do you know if someone is the right person for you?

Have you ever thought about who would be the right partner for you?

Well, the best way to look at this, is starting with what you don’t want.  So if you have had a past relationship that didn’t work out and that partner had certain attributes and you know that you don’t want to live with someone like that, then it’s time to work out who you want to live with.

For example, you may look back to a partner who was dishonest and cheating.  So you know that’s what you don’t want, so write that down and make up a list of everything you can think of that you have seen in another relationship or personally experienced.

Then on another page you convert it to what you DO want.  So you write down, they are honest and trustworthy which is the opposite of dishonest and cheating for example and that’s what you focus on.

What do you want in a partner?  Do you want someone romantic?  Supportive? Someone who loves animals?  Loves and wants children? Open-minded to trying to things? Adventurous? Spiritual or religious? Affectionate? Emotionally available?  Loves to Travel?  It may seem like you have a lot that you want in a partner, so don’t be afraid to keep writing down what you want until you are satisfied.

Don’t be too specific or demanding though, like massages me everyday or only goes to outings I like/enjoy or only eats the same foods as I do.   Just remember, you don’t want them to be perfect otherwise life with them would be boring.  Don’t expect him to buy you everything either, as you want to be a little independent also, and maintain a strong sense of your own achievements or goals.

Also, just because you don’t know anyone in a really happy fulfilling relationship, doesn’t mean they don’t exist ~ because they DO!

The universe only knows to give you what you think about, so make sure you are thinking about what you want, not what you don’t want.

This is where you may also notice a pattern with the past relationships that you’ve had and then finally be able to break that pattern.  When I first did this, I realized that my ex boyfriends had a lot in common and that I seemed to be attracted to the same type of guy who wasn’t really what I wanted.  Even if I didn’t realize this fully at the time.

Doing this exercise alone will improve your future relationships drastically as you will be able to notice straight away if someone has a particular attribute that you really don’t want in a partner, without waiting until the heartache.

Attraction shouldn’t be the only thing you are looking for, especially if you want to eventually build up a long term relationship leading to marriage where you will be with them everyday and you want them to be able to keep up with whatever life path you would like for yourself.