Lauren McEachranRelationship Coach, Attract Love, Relationships, Law Of Attraction, Healthy Relationships

The 3rd Online Dating Email Tip is:

Be Polite

When you get an email back and it’s not quite what you expected, don’t immediately get on the defensive or want to say something to make the other person realize that what they said was wrong, just choose your words carefully.  Take a deep breath and allow yourself time to understand where they are coming from and what they mean by their email.   Remember that words typed out can be visible for the world to see and recorded, so always make sure that you stay polite at all times.

Being polite also means not correcting the other person if you think they are using inappropriate words or language (eg. slang).  You will need to just allow them to be themselves while staying true to yourself and what you believe in.  If there is too much you want to change about that person, then they aren’t the right person for you.  Sometimes when we are really attracted to someone, we can be blind to the red flags that show they aren’t the right person for you.

This also means not to just agree with the other person because you want them to like you.  If you don’t agree with something that they have said, then it’s only natural to have your own opinions.  So make sure you stay true to youself no matter what, as this can back fire in the long term when the truth eventually comes out.  Having your own opinions and beliefs are natural as that is what makes you unique.

So being polite regardless of what the other person says or does shows great strength and maturity, as well as making a good impression.  If something that they say really bothers you, then you know that they are not the right person for you and it’s best to politely tell them:  Thank you for your interest, but I don’t think we are compatible and i wish you all the best for the future.  Something along those lines.  We still get back what we give out, so if you remain polite, then others will do the same to you.

This goes for when you meet in person too, as it makes such an impression guys if you open the car door for the lady and make her feel special.

The 2nd tip for online dating emails is:

Keep the Email fairly light and short

This means just answering the questions asked by the other person quite briefly.  Don’t go into a lot of detail about your life.  This goes for each email that is sent back and forth over the first week or so.  This is where you also need to take the time to get to know each other and pay attention to what the other person actually writes and ask continuing on questions to show that you’re keen to continue knowing about that person.  So for example, if they say that they travelled around Europe a lot.  Your next email could say, what was the best place that you visited in Europe?

When you are excited to learn about another person who you really like, it’s still important that you don’t overwhelm them with too much information about yourself too quickly.  Do short responses to each topic which they write about throughout their email.  If something that they have said resonates with you currently or in your past, then mention that too so that the other person can see more  similarities between the two of you.

With online dating, you show interest towards each other with virtual winks and kisses.  After you have shown that you are both interested, an email will be sent with first contact.  Ladies, I’d wait and let him make first contact.  This is the same with meeting people when you are out, you don’t go up to him first, allow him to come to you.  That way, you know he is definitely interested.  Guys, it’s important to step up and show your masculinity by being able to make the first contact even if you’re shy.

So the first email that you send to each other is very important as to how it is written up, as it gives the other person a great first impression of you.

So the first tip is:

Be Creative

Don’t just talk about your job or what you normally do for a living, try to dig deep into the other person’s values and passions so you can find out what really makes them tick, without being obtrusive.   Remember you are trying to learn as much as you can about the important aspects of the other person, so don’t talk about yourself much unless you are answering questions that they have asked you.

So when you begin writing to each other, be creative, be different and stand out from the crowd.  Don’t ask what work they do for a living or what car they drive.  This will have them wondering that you are only interested in them if they have money.  Instead, talk about their interests, passions, hobbies and sports that they are doing.  This should be present on their profile, so make sure you read it thoroughly so that you know what questions to ask related to them.

Keep these topics of conversation simple for the first week or so as you don’t want to dive into their lives too quickly and you also want to keep a little mysterious by not revealing everything about yourself too soon.  This means you can include basic topics such as the weather, travel, politics or what’s currently happening in your area.  Movies can be a good topic too if that was included in their interests.  So mainly focus on light conversations including their interests,  sports they may be involved in or other activities meantioned on their profile.

Also think about the sort of things that would make a relationship last long term?

What do you value most in life?  Do they have the same values?

“Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.” ~ John Quincy Adams

Isn’t it funny in today’s day and age how we want things brought to us quicker and quicker.  There have been new technologies created to bring us new things quicker and cheaper, but has it created unwanted incidents because we are now lacking in patience?

We forget about how important patience is in creating an amazing relationship & also being able to sustain it.  So it doesn’t matter what stage of the relationship you are in, patience will always benefit you long term.

Why do you think it is that when we want things to happen quickly, they never seem to, but when you relax and let it go, everything falls into place?

How about when you meet someone special for the first time and the relationship is in the beginning stage?  You enjoy talking to them, spending time with them, and can’t wait to see or hear from them again.  This is where patience is an absolute virtue.  Trying to rush it and seeing too much of each other too soon has the tendency to back fire.  You spend less time with friends and family and spend too much time thinking about this new relationship and going through all the good and bad points and whether you think it’s going to last.  Patience needs to come into it by giving you space to continue doing what you love and to allow the relationship to flourish with time.

Using patience to get to know the other person, also let’s the maturity of knowing if they are most suitable to you, take affect, without just the passion and excitement take over.  Use patience to continue doing what you normally do and think of the other person as an added bonus.

If you are already in a long term relationship or marriage, patience is just as important.  It allows disagreements to be fully heard and understood.  Patience stops you from saying things that you don’t mean in the heat of the moment.

Being patient during these conversations requires pausing between statements to gather your thoughts.  If you feel yourself getting angry, simply take a deep breathe and try to relax.  Even just walking away when you feel a trigger of your impatience will help.  When it’s the other person’s turn to speak, be patient and listen attentively without interrupting.  Refer back to my Top 5 Tips of Powerful Listening to understand the full benefits of patience and listening.

Awareness is the key to any change within ourselves, so as soon as you become aware that you are impatient, then you have the power to change it.  A little tip may be to wear a rubber band around your wrist and slap yourself with it every time you are impatient.  Or if you can’t handle that pain as a reminder, even just forcing yourself to take a deep breath when you realize your impatient, will cause a change in habit.

Always start out small with change until you get better at your new habit.  A great quote from the book ‘Take Your Time…Finding Balance In A Hurried World’ by Eknath Easwaran ~

“Most relationships begin to fall apart through disagreements, and disagreements are not settled by argumentation and logic. They are resolved — or, more accurately, dissolved — through patience. Without patience you start retaliating, and the other person gets more upset and retaliates too. Instead of retaliating with a curt reply, slow down and refrain from answering immediately. As soon as you can manage it, try a smile and a sympathetic word”.

Most ladies want a man who they can look up to.  Even though it’s great to share decisions in a relationship, the man should have enough confidence to be able to take the lead in various situations.  So here are some tips of what to avoid for a new relationship, or even if you are already in one:

• Have no goals or direction in life

A woman needs to know that you will be able to look after her during your relationship together.  Even though you may remain independent at times, you still need to show that she can be proud of you for making the most of your life and enjoying it.  It’s also been proven now that we are most depressed when we have nothing to aim for in life.  So this will help create a happier you as well.

• Make no effort to romance her or make her feel special

Every woman wants to feel special and be treated like a princess.  This will take some time and effort on your side, be different, get creative.  The man is renown being the hunter, protector and main provider which means that he will look after his partner well.  Be spontaneous and surprise her by doing something nice or getting her a small gift.  Women generally love surprises.

• Take no pride in yourself or your appearance

Physical attraction is just as important as emotional attraction, so make sure that you always take pride in your appearance.  Dress conservatively when appropriate, speak politely and respectively, shave often and use a suitable haircut, smell great and try to maintain a correct body weight for your height.

• Let her pay or go halves in everything

This should only be done if you are currently or planning on being just friends.  Because this is what friends do for each other.  Stepping up to pay for most things when you are out together will show that you are romantic and value her just being able to spend time with you.

• Wait for her to make the arrangements and decisions

This usually stems from a lack of interest in her or a lack of confidence.  You need to be able to step up and be the man you are meant to be by making the decisions and arrangements in the beginning and during your relationship.  It’s great to remain open though for her opinions on your decision as you want to make sure she is happy with the decisions too.  But try to be the first to speak up and take charge.

• Stare/Flirt with other women

Depending on the intensity of the flirting as to whether its a appropriate or not, but particularly staring at another woman, especially when your partner is with you is very disrespectful.  Light flirting with others apart from your partner should include jokes, sarcasm, and making them laugh or just playful communicative teasing.

Guys, would you date you?  Are you happy with your current appearance and lifestyle at the moment?  Are you happy with who you are as a person?

Basically it all comes down to Self Confidence

Women want STATUS, not looks, wealth or power.   This means it’s all about how you act.  Do you know that attractive females are attracted to you when you know you can be with any one of them?

The significance of creating a confidence about yourself is beneficial to all aspects of your life, not just your relationship with your partner.  Increase your confidence now by creating some affirmations for yourself.  These need to be written positively, in the present tense and be personal to you.  For example, ‘I am (present tense) a gorgeous guy (positive) who is consistently successful in all my work(perhaps personal to you).  Each statement will vary with each individual, but hopefully you understand how to go about writing them down.

Then I want you to repeat them to yourself every morning and night.  You can even incorporate visualization, which is powerful in attracting things to you using feeling as if it has already happened.  Act out the person you want to be right now.  As the old saying goes, fake it until you make it.

In the beginning of a relationship, it’s important not to overwhelm the other person too quickly.  Some relationship breakers include:

• Being too nice

When us women really like a guy, we generally like to do as much as we can for him.  This includes buying him things, doing him favours, dropping everything for him, not being able to tell him when he does something that we disapprove of.  Men appreciate a woman who can stand up for what she believes in rather than walking on eggshells to keep the peace.

• Sharing how you feel too soon

Women have a lot of feelings that come up often, especially during a relationship.  Well, men are different and don’t express their feelings as openly as you do.  Which is why men usually withdraw when we try to tell them how we feel in order to get him closer to you.  They need to bond with you emotionally and this happens by how you make him feel when he is around you.  Your overall presence.

• Wanting to get married because you’re lonely

Starting a relationship won’t fix any problems you may have.  Entering into a relationship, should just be an extension of your already wonderful life that you enjoy.  You will just have a partner to share your goals, dreams, passions and adventures with.  Bob Grant (Relationship expert, physiologist, best-selling author) explains it best “When an individual takes responsibility for his or her own happiness, as opposed to relying on their partner to do so,  it is surprising to see how much more motivated their partner is to please them”.  My favourite ebook of his is The Women Men Adore…and Never Want To Leave

• Being too available

Don’t be in a hurry to create the relationship.  Take your time to get to know each other.  Don’t get so involved in the passion that you don’t realize that you don’t share many values or interests.  So make sure that you keep some independence about you and not always be available when he calls.

• Chasing him

Men were always the one’s to court and pursue women from the beginning.  This is the only way it will work or he would lose interest.  Actions will always speak louder than words, so just take what he says with a grain of salt and watch for actions of interest.  If he’s interested he will call, make arrangements to see you, find ways to get close to you, buy you things and take you out.

These are just some common mistakes that women tend to make that contribute to him suddenly becoming less interested in you, stop calling or creating some excuses not to see you.  You have to know that you are worth pursuing, and if he knows your value, he won’t want to lose you.  Don’t treat the relationship as exclusive until you know from him that he wants a committed relationship from you.  Never assume that you are exclusive and never ask him if you are.  When he wants to see more of you he will ask you to be exclusive with him, until then, don’t get involved sexually or emotionally.

Definition: “A belief is a thought we hold and deeply trust about something. Beliefs tend to be buried deep within the subconscious with the result that they trigger automatic reactions and behaviors. We seldom question beliefs; we hold them to be truths”.  (suite101.com)

What do you believe about yourself?

What do you believe about relationships?

What do you believe about men in general?

What do you believe about women in general?

What do you believe about love?

Is what you believe about all this turning out to be true?

How did you create these beliefs?

What if you could change these beliefs into positive empowering ones?

Many of our beliefs were formed while we were young, usually by watching how our elders would behave, act and communicate.  How is this affecting you today?  Do you find yourself copying a parent or guardian?

Is a belief holding you back and you have no hard substantial evidence to support it?  If yes, then you have the freedom right now to change that belief to something that will help and empower you.

Beliefs can change when you decide you want a new one and you write down what belief the new one will replace.  Once you have become aware that you now want a new belief, then your old habit patters may start to change a little.  The first step to change is awareness.  Beliefs won’t change overnight, but if you want them to change, then you have to change your habits of thought and actions as well to support the new belief.

Expand your consciousness to notice all that is love around you, you may be surprised at how much there actually is.  Believe that you already have love, because you do, you just may not know it yet.

When you meet someone new, you get excited to learn as much as you can about them as quickly as possible.  You usually want to talk to them everyday and see them as often as you can.  This really isn’t healthy for either of you.  Contacting each other too much too soon can take away the mystery as well as create resentment when you cancel your usual plans in order to spend more time getting to know them quickly.  Then when the relationship doesn’t work out, you realize that you missed out on things that were important to you.

This is the same for online dating.  When you first get a reply from a person you are particularly interested in, take your time to reply and don’t give them your number straight away.  Reply to emails about every 2nd day, unless you’re really busy and have to make it longer on occasions.  Don’t reveal too much of yourself too soon, remain a little mysterious with short answers to questions.

Keep yourself busy so you don’t think about them too much and get distracted from the rest of your life.  If you get the urge to ring them, ring a friend or family member instead.  Take your time to get to know this other person, without interrupting and dismissing your current life.

Initial attraction is important, but you also have to recognize what is going to keep you together for the long term.  Do they have the same values as you in life?  Don’t be dishonest with them just so that they will see you as perfect.  You can still be yourself while remaining polite and respectful.

If you’re ever feeling like you have to hide a certain side of you because you don’t think they will approve, then the relationship will have troubles later on.  The longer you are with someone before being completely honest with who you are, the more it will hurt the both of you later on.  So make sure you are honest at all times from the beginning.

Listening to someone completely is one of the most important things you can do for them.  When we talk about listening, we really mean listening with your whole body, mind and heart.   Be completely present with the person and even communicate back to them what they have said in order to show that you understand.

Listening is particularly difficult if you are already upset with the other person, so remaining calm through all conversations is vital.  Also make sure you understand what they said fully, before it’s your turn to speak.

When having a conversation with your partner, listening to them fully involves putting yourself in their position of whatever it is that they are talking about.  Listening also requires strength, patience and self control.

Listening is not a simple skill to master, and it also shows how much we care about the other person.  If you’re in a relationship and you’re partner has had a crappy day, then they usually just enjoy someone listening to them while they get everything off their chest without even a solution being offered.

People in general enjoy talking about themselves anyway, so once you master the art of listening, you will then find it easy to make friends anywhere or to make a good impression for that first date, which then can progressl more importantly to creating a fulfilling long term relationship.

Here Are The Top 5 Tips For Listening ~

1. Watch their body language & facial expressions to observe what they like and dislike
2. Put yourself in their position of the conversation or story
3. Realize what they value most, as they will tend to talk most about this.  This can include their passions and goals.
4. What were they hesitant about during the conversation, realize their fears.
5. Creates empathy towards the other person so they will enjoy you being around more

You can learn so much from a person by just observing them and listening to them, so try it with your next conversation.  Do more listening than speaking and see how the other person feels or responds.

Is there a partner from you past that you still think about?  You know they weren’t right for you but you still keep thinking about them and wondering what they are up to and whether they will contact you again?

Or was it just a past relationship you would rather forget but can’t?

To release a past relationship that you know wasn’t right for you, can take a little time.  First, you have to forgive them and yourself for the relationship not working and look for the lesson you were meant to learn.  Even write down the reasons why you weren’t meant for each other.  You would of had a different set of values that was conflicting.  Look within yourself and ask why you are holding onto this person?  What made them so special?  Do you think there is another person out there for you who would be even better?

Of course there is an amazing person who would be suited to you really well.  This is where it’s best to write down exactly what you want in a partner, so that you don’t just fall for the next good looking person that comes along.  Refer to my blog on The Right Person For You which goes into detail as to why we need to write down what we want and how it does work in attracting that person to you when you are emotionally, physically and mentally ready to receive them into your life.

You can also give away, burn or throw out sentimental things that remind you of that past relationship you would rather forget.  After you have made a new list and prepared yourself for the new relationship, then you need to keep yourself busy and maybe learn something new, and even write a list to remind you of all the great things about yourself so that you still know that you are an amazing person who deserves to be treated the best.

Once you have fully understood why they weren’t the right person for you, then you need to prepare yourself for real love.  Some methods to help you with this can include EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), Release Technique and Hypnosis.

My favourite EFT on love is:

Fast Tube by Casper

Click Here for a great Hypnosis Download for Getting Over A Relationship

Click Here for the Release Technique for Relationships